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Where does it go?

I’m just wondering where does the time go? I have been dealing with the thoughts of Ryley and Grace growing up so quickly since they’ve both had birthdays within the past few weeks. I simply cannot believe they are 5 and 4.

This morning, Ethan reminded me that he is growing up quickly as well. The baby of my babies is not really a baby anymore. I didn’t think I would be so sad about this.

We were walking back to the car from dropping Ryley and Grace off at preschool. Ethan wanted nothing to do with being carried. I realized as he struggled that he’s been doing this for a couple of weeks, whereas before, he was very content to be in mommy’s arms and watch the action from above. Now, when we go to drop off or pick up Grace and Ryley, Ethan wants to be down in the action. He will run into their classrooms while I sign them in or out. He’s still a snuggle bear, but he doesn’t want to be carried or held, or strapped into the stroller or high chair while everyone else is running around.

And he’s started talking…..really talking. I love to hear his tiny little baby boy voice. I’ll ask him to say words just so I can hear him speak. His vocabulary has taken off in the past month, going from about 5 words to nearly 20 in just a few weeks. He still calls cats babadee, but he can now say meow instead of following the cats around and saying “baaaa”. He’s even put a couple of words together….”Daddy Bye-Bye” and “muk (milk) peez (please). He’s still signing too, which I just love. It’s so cute. At night, when I put him to bed, he says night-night over and over until he can’t hear me anymore as I walk down the stairs. It almost made me cry last night, closing the door to his room, hearing his little voice saying “ni-night” in response to my night-night.

I wanted him to be a baby for a long time. He’s my last. Those words are still a little painful for me to say. I can’t believe that. I don’t know that I really WANT four children, but I do know that if Michael had agreed, we’d probably be working on it right now. But we’re done. No more babies. And the baby of my babies is growing up. Before I know it, I’ll be agonizing over potty training for him, agonizing over putting him in preschool, crying my eyes out at his first day of kindergarten, and watching proudly as he graduates from high school and then college. The next time I have a newborn baby crying in my home will be when my children have children. Where does the time go?

11 thoughts on “Where does it go?

  1. Oh, Donna! I have tears streaming down my face right now! What a heartbreaking time it is when our babies aren’t babies anymore! I understand your feelings completely. I always felt it was cruel to have to feel this way about the whole growing up situation… I guess that’s what makes us GOOD mothers. Big hugs, and endless baby cuddles for you today,

  2. Thanks, Page……I need those baby snuggles. It is heartbreaking to let them go, but at the same time, fun to watch them explore and expand their little worlds. Always so bittersweet! Hugs!

  3. Ethan sounds so sweet, Donna, and very surely ready to explore his new found independence & spunk! I am glad for you that he still likes to snuggle!! Our children do grow up too fast, it seems. Enjoy what you have now & just relish in what it is!! Let the happy/sad tears fall where they may & keep sharing – it is healing & so fun for us to see that *yup, we’re human, cause we feel the same way*! I love that he signs & that he is starting to talk, that is precious & priceless!! You are an amazing mom for letting your baby run & play while you wanna just hold & snuggle him where you can control what happens! SNUGGLES & HUGGIES!!!!

  4. Oh, Donna! I called the boys “the babies” the other day to my EI teacher and she’s like, “You can’t really call them that anymore!” I’m totally feelin’ you on this! What a doll litlte Ethan sounds like though. I can’t wait until the boys talk to me (and each other) using words that even *I* understand!

  5. Oh, now you’ve gone and made me cry! Since I have a 5,4 and 2 yr old… and my baby is also quickly growing, I read your blog like a personal letter. *sigh* I don’t know where the time goes. I remember my parents and grandparents saying “Kids grow up so fast!” and thinking they were nuts because my childhood seemed to last forever! But now! Oh, now that *I* am the mom I totally understand what they meant. It seems like just yesterday I was preparing for Gavin’s arrival and now my little Logan wants to be a big boy just like his older brothers. I have no idea what happened to all the middle stuff. I’ll cry with ya. It’s too fast for my liking!

  6. I’m right there with you all. While Emerson is only 7 months old, it still feels like she was just born yesterday. And Leighton is 3 1/2. I wish I could just freeze them! Leighton has started calling me mom (or Denise, which kills me), and I want her to call me mommy. Last night, I said “why don’t you call me mommy instead of Denise”? So a bit later, she said “mommy…..you like when I call you that don’t you” ? Smart little kid.
    Time just flies by. I’m with Darcy…too fast for my liking!

  7. Thanks so much for understanding. I knew you all would. It’s what we’re meant to do right…..have them and raise them up to be able to fly. Only the having, holding, raising and loving makes it so bittersweet to watch them when they do begin to fly. Oh, hear come the tears again! Sorry!! You guys rock. Thanks again. It just hit me so hard this morning as Ethan took off running across the play area to the preschool and I suddenly saw another year into the future when Ryley will be in K, Grace in Pre-K, and Ethan starting preschool…..UGH! Donna

  8. Okay… thanks for making me cry!! I know you know, I know exactly where you’re coming from. We’ve had this conversation so many times!! It is hard, and as much as we want time to stand still, it doesn’t!! Its funny, with our first we want them to hit each milestone… eager for each new phase. With our last… we want them to stay babies forever… avoiding the next milestone!! My Mom still refers to me as her baby, and I’m soon to be 33 years old.. it use to annoy me, but now I understand completely. I want Will to never leave Mommy, and to stay my sweet baby boy forever!! I can’t even think about registering Will for preschool next year. I start to cry every time! We’ll be blowing through those tissues together come next September!! HUGS!

  9. Thanks, Karri. We have had this conversation, yet I was still surprised that it would strike me so hard at this particular moment. My baby doesn’t want me to carry him anymore. That breaks my heart. We’ll load up on Kleenex next year with kindergarten and the babies going to preschool!! Can we just stop time now? Hugs!

  10. I feel your pain. I am already fretting and dreading about Jaden going to preschool next year. It is hard..
    I think we are done having kids too-which makes me extremely sad:(. My middle child which is Cole(who is 20 min older than Tanner) and my baby Tanner will leave me to go to school at the same time-makes me sad….

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