I’m convinced, I’m a paranoid mom. Maybe I’ve earned the right to it, but maybe not. Either way, it’s there, just a part of me.
Ryley’s five. He did not start kindergarten this year, and I’ve made my peace with that. He was absolutely NOT ready. I see the difference in him, the confidence he has being one of the older kids in pre-K, having done all this before. He’s the old pro at Calvin Christian Preschool’s Pre-K Class.
But I still worry. Will he ever be ready? Will he ever know all the things I think he should already know? I sometimes focus on all the things he *can’t* do……can’t write his name, can’t recognize his letters or many numbers, can’t tie his shoes, can’t read, can’t always focus very well, can’t contain his frustration…..We started flash cards for his letters the other day. He doesn’t call letters by their name, he describes how they look. An *A* is not an *A*, it’s one line down, one line down, one line across…..a *P* is one line down and a circle. Is this normal? Thanks to Darcy, I’m a lot less stressed about this today than I was yesterday, but it just hangs there in the back of my head.
When you have a preemie, you’re never done having a preemie. It hangs around, even after they are declared “developmentally caught up”….It doesn’t end at two years old, it doesn’t end at three years old….When does it end? When can I stop worrying and waiting for the other shoe to drop? This year it was the asthma; what will it be next year? I know that preemies, especially micro-preemies, have higher incidences of ADD, ADHD, and learning disabilities. When Ryley was said to be “developmentall caught up”, I wanted to put all those things out of my head. But they won’t leave. They keep hanging there, telling me my child is not “normal”, that there may still be something wrong with him that I don’t know about yet. Physically, he’s got it together. What about his brain? Does it see things the way other kids do? Does it function the way it’s supposed to? It took two years to get him potty trained (and we’re still not even close at night)….How is that “normal”?
When we tell Ryley’s story, we always end with “and now he’s a *normal*, healthy five year old” but I never feel like that’s the whole story. And I’m afraid it’s just not quite the truth…..
As parents of preemies, do we ever stop wondering? Do we ever know for sure, I mean COMPLETELY know, that our child is okay?