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Scattered thoughts

I promised myself when we had Ethan that he would not be the stereotypical baby of the family, that we would not treat him that way. Well, you know what they say about the best intentions…….I was carrying him up the stairs to daycare the other morning, and I realized that at this age, there was no carrying Ryley or Grace anywhere, except up to bed! Granted the fact that they’re only a year apart, I really couldn’t carry them at that age….If I carried one, I’d have to carry the other. At nearly two, we thought they were not babies anymore, didn’t need to be carried, etc. At nearly two, Ethan is still called the “baby”. I’ve tried to introduce the word “toddler” to Ryley and Grace’s vocabulary, but they just don’t get it. Ethan is still the baby of the family. In some ways, he seems so much more advanced than Ryley or Grace did at nearly two, but he’s still the baby. At nearly two, I was looking forward to preschool for Ryley and then Grace. At nearly two, it breaks my heart to think of sending Ethan to school. I just can’t imagine sending him off to preschool. He’s too young! I might feel differently about it in a year, but judging from friends’ experiences, I doubt it.

I’ve been reading this book about a woman who finds out in her 30’s her father kidnapped her from her mother when she was four, took her across the country to start a new life, renamed her, and invented a new past for her. She has a five year old daughter. She thinks about how we might imprint our desires, our regrets on our children to be lived out by them. It made me think about the things I wish I’d been able to do as a kid, and how this has affected what I do with my own children. I wish my mother had kept me in dance instead of pulling me out after just one year. If Grace likes dancing, then she will stay in it until she doesn’t like it anymore. I love baseball, and I always have. My brother was in little league and it was part of my growing up. Now after signing Ryley up for t-ball, I hope it will be part of my childrens’ growing up memories. He will stay in it as long as he likes it. We didn’t have money growing up to take big vacations. It’s so important to me for my children to be able to travel, to see Disneyland before they’re 10 years old, to fly on a plane before they’re 20, to have memories of vacations with parents and siblings. Don’t get me wrong….I didn’t have a horrid childhood, and my parents did the best they could with what they had. I just want more for my children, and it affects my everyday life. I worry that I am putting that onto my children….pushing my dreams and desires onto them. I don’t want them to say one day “I wish mom had let me…..” or “I wish mom hadn’t pushed us to……” Does anyone else worry about this? Does anyone else have these thoughts and fears?

4 thoughts on “Scattered thoughts

  1. Oh Donna! You are so wise….what a GREAT blog….A wonderful Friday read. I think we all think about our childhood…what we loved and what we would have liked to be different…..And I firmly believe that we do impress these hopes and expectations on our kids. Some things we do better. Some things we do worse (than our parents) but at the end…the only thing that can be really expected of us…the only thing that really matters…is that we did the best we could…. I read once that when kids go away to college … they often blame their parents for everything…When they get out on their own…they realize that getting regular meals and paying the bills was not such an easy thing – so they begin to respect their parents more….And when they have their own family (kids and all) they understand their parents, and move past grudges. HUGS to you. Hope you have a beautiful weekend. Melissa

  2. Donna, So nice to have you back on Share, on a regular basis!! You were so missed!! I think it is every parents dream to give their kids better than we had as kids!! I too feel sometimes like I’m failing Taylor, like we should do more….but sometimes it’s just not possible. So, I take leads from her…and we try to do things that she enjoys. That is why she is now in Girl Scouts & not cheerleading anymore. We took a weeks vacation every summer to a local campground & lived in a cabin, every summer growing up. It was some of my best memories, and I strive to do that with Taylor every year. Some years it wasn’t possible, but the good thing is…she’s been able to do that with my parents at least once a year. So, while we strive to do better by our kids, sometimes we can only do so much…and just hope they understand are aren’t too horribly *scarred* later in life!! I agree with not pushing your kids into things they don’t enjoy…but rather helping them pursue their dreams!! You are such a great mom & your three are blessed by you!! Ethan is the baby of your family, deservingly so. He probably will be called *baby* for a while, until he starts to protest!! School is just another stepping stone in his yurning to be *big* like Grace & Ryley!! Hugs to you!! Welcome back, again, you were missed!!!!!!

  3. Hey, Donna! Our kids probably WILL resent us for something, blame us for something, wish something was different… and if we had changed THAT thing that they’re complaining about… they would pick something else! I think we can just do the best we can and help them be happy. Which I’m sure is what you’re doing. Kara

  4. hand waves wildly in the air* me! pick me! I have those same thoughts!!I know whatcha mean. And then, forcing them to be locked in the house like prisoners?? Oh, I get that fear. I pray all the time that they don’t remember it, much less resent us or – Logan! Yikes! But, I know that you and I both do our best… and where we’re lacking we make up in other places. For eaxmple, my kids are locked in the house, but! They’ve got a greeeatttt scrapbook! I was as free as a bird growing up, but my whole childhood worth of photos doesn’t even fill 1/2 a shoebox. There are give-n-takes. And you are a great mom. You make each decision with care… and even the baby of the family won’t mind that he’s still “baby” when he’s 30! LOL hugs* Darcy

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