Do you ever just look at your child and think how absolutely beautiful he/she is? And then wonder how they came from you? I am completely biased, but my babies are beautiful….amazing….treasured.
At one point in my life, I never thought I would have any children. Infertility can really mess with your mind, your feeling of self-worth as a woman. I felt like a failure. My body was not cooperating with my heart and my mind, and what I felt was most of my purpose in life….to become a mother. I have never been so down on myself than during that time…..those months of treatments, tests, and question after question. And THEN, I failed at staying pregnant for the full nine months. But now I know I am not a failure. And I have three beautiful children to show for it! They are my purpose in life.
Ethan loves to sit on my bathroom counter and watch/help me get ready for the day. It is kind of a pain as he is ALWAYS into everything, and I usually end up with bottles overturned, make-up all over the floor, an upside down jewelry box, etc……Yesterday, he wandered into my bathroom and I heard his little voice “si-dow Momma” (sit down), which means he’s going to climb up on my counter and sit down to watch and play. So he climbs up, sits down, and starts digging into the drawer of my Mommy stuff and getting into all the bottles on the counter…..”Da-da bedcecine?” Yes, Daddy’s “medicine” (childproof cap, of course!)….and on it goes with everything in the drawer and on the counter.
And then I’m putting my eye make-up on….He is fascinated by the eyelash curler. And here’s where I tell you that I’m practically blind without contacts or glasses, so I have to get REALLY close to the mirror to put my make-up on. I have Ethan hold my hand mirror for me. We end up face to face, and for a second, we are just staring at each other. It was one of those moments you want to just freeze. I am struck by how beautiful he is….his little boy face with his surfer boy haircut, big blue eyes, smooth baby skin, and precious little mouth…..my heart melts and I just want to cry. This child came from me. He is part of me and my husband. I put down my makeup and picked him up. I just had to hug him. And tell him that I love him. He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. And then the moment is gone, but it’s frozen in my mind forever……a picture of his beautiful little face……