Tomorrow is Ethan’s birthday. Two years old. I remember so clearly those last few days before his birth. I remember standing outside the hospital before we walked in to be induced that day. The sun was coming up over the hills behind the hospital. It was nice enough outside to be wearing shorts. I remember standing there, behind our vehicle, thinking that I was walking in pregnant, and would walk out with a baby, our lives and our family changed once again. I couldn’t have been happier. Two years ago…..
My dearest, baby Ethan…..
Tomorrow you will be two. How does it go by so quickly? You’re still my baby, but growing up so quickly. You are such a joy. I can’t believe how happy you are. You bring such a light to our family. I thank God everyday for giving you to us.
I knew from the time we had your sister Grace that I wanted and needed just one more baby. But we waited…….We waited until the time was right. We waited until we had moved, and settled into our new house. We waited until your brother and sister were a little older and not quite so dependent. And then the news came, we would need “help” once again to accomplish our goal of one more baby. That old fear set in. What if we can’t? Was I being selfish asking God for one more? Was I pushing my luck by having a third, after all we’d been through with Ryley, even though Grace went to term? Four months of trying and nothing…that depression and panic started. I wanted you so desperately, but how far would we go this time? Then we started with the fertility drugs, again. After two rounds, I knew, just knew, something was different. All the signs were there, but I was afraid to believe them. What if I was wrong? Just as with your brother and sister, I will never forget the morning when I took “the test”, and it was positive. My heart smiled……..Yes, there was some fear as well, fear that I would carry with me everyday of my pregnancy………fear that we would end up in the NICU again. Fear that we wouldn’t be as “lucky” this time around. I secretly prayed for a girl at times, knowing girls have a tendency to do better if born prematurely. When we found out you were a boy, I was happy and afraid. But you were a good listener from the beginning and stayed in there, baking to full term. And then we had you, and I fell fully and completely in love with you from the second you were born.
I love your smile. I love your sweet little face. I love your dimples and toddler chubby cuteness. I love your laugh. I love your adventuressness (Mommy made up a new word!). I love that you are so easy-going. I love to hear you talk in your sweet little voice. I love your bright blue eyes. I love to watch your hands. I love your excitement as you finally are big enough to play with your brother and sister, and hold your own. I love that you know what you like and what you don’t like. Most of all, I love you, love that you are part of our family, love that we were once again blessed with a precious baby.
Happy Second Birthday, Ethan!! You’ll ALWAYS be my baby!