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Down but not quite out

It has been an……interesting…week to say the least. When I got to work this morning, there was just this overwhelming sadness overlaying everything. Coming here to SHARE has improved my mood greatly. You all rock.

I haven’t been feeling great all week…just a persistent headache that will not go away not matter what. I’m doing better today, but it hasn’t been fun. Our Opening Night trip got cancelled, the A’s got completely kicked by the Yankees Monday night, our new puppy is teaching the older two dogs how to make messes in the house instead of outside (the older two should be teaching him the right way to to do things, but so far, that hasn’t been working out too well), and then last night our shower head pipe broke in the wall. GREAT! Ever just feel like you want to run away? Get in the car and just keep driving? And this morning I yelled at Ryley while I was holding Ethan to get him dressed, and Ethan just broke down in tears. Denise, where’s that Mom of the Year Award? I think I need it back…….AND we turned in Ryley’s kindergarten application this morning too….My baby, starting school! Yesterday, my boss told me I couldn’t take a day off next week to take Ryley and Grace to Disneyland for their very first time…..

That’s a whole other story….Work. I went back to work full-time after Ryley and Grace. It just wasn’t an option at that point to stay home, and no matter how much I wanted to want to stay home, I didn’t. It made me crazy. I didn’t have the friends and support system I have now. After Ethan, I did quit. Then I went back to work two days a week when Ethan was six months old, three days a week when he was 8 months old, and full time last September. It is so much harder to be working full time now. I am physically EXHAUSTED much of the time. And I feel like I never have enough time to do everything that needs to be done, or I do it halfway which makes me crazy. I love my job, but it’s just that…a job. And I want to be home. With Ryley starting school in the Fall, I know my time with them is limited. I want to be involved in his classroom, I want more time with Ethan while he’s still close to being a baby. I want to be there for Grace when she starts Kindergarten in a year. Yesterday really pushed me over the edge. I was really upset and depressed that my job responsiblities might keep me from missing out on a first for my kids that I really don’t want to miss out on. I know I’m whining….believe me, I know….We’ve decided that I will be quitting at the end of June. At the very least, I’ll be going back to part time, if my bosses will allow that.

So, I’m down, but definitely not out. And coming on SHARE this morning has greatly improved my mood!

11 thoughts on “Down but not quite out

  1. Hi Sweetie! You sound like you need one of Darcy’s extra big hugs! I am so sorry you are having a rough go of it today. So many things happening all at once ….
    But I have a feeling …. tomorrow will be brighter … and if you thin you *must* have the mother of the year award …. then by this afternoon someone else will have earned it. Hugs! Melissa

  2. Oh Donna!! You deserve the mom of the year award…why? Because this blog just shows how much you love those darling children!! You want so badly to be there for their everything…to spend time with them while they’re young, understandable!! You are a great mom and your kids are some lucky kids to have you!! You are such an inspiration to so many, including me!!! Keep your chin up…tomorrow’s a new day…and ya’ know what….that new puppy will learn the ways of puppy world, and the shower will get fixed, and unfortunately, your children will keep growing, but as they do, they will know, without question, how much you love & adore them!!! Hugs to you, my dear friend!! You rock!!!!!!
    Sharlene

  3. Oh man…. I can’t imagine how you are feeling right now… It is just one thing after another and hopefully things will slow down soon. I hope that you are able to be home again with your kids. It’s a hard decision to have to make… work and miss out on your kids or stay home and possibly struggle a bit financially…. Sometimes a job that doesn’t make you happy just makes that decision all the much easier… I pray that you will have some peace soon. Take care sweetie! Hugs

  4. Donna –
    So sorry you’re having a bad time…I *too* would be upset if I couldn’t take off to do something I had planned to do with my kids.
    But look on the brightside…if you are still working in July – it will be part time. You can do *anything* for a short time, right? (That’s the pep talk I give myself all the time!) Hang in there – there are brighter days ahead!
    Denise

  5. Oh Donna,
    I feel like singing the “Cheer up” song, but I won’t trivialize these frustrations. You are a great mom. You love those kids so much… and even when you slip and yell… even when you can’t be there for every second… your kids know they are loved and cared for. They know their momma thinks of them with every decision. Working, although it isn’t your favorite place to be all day, it *is* for them. When I look back at my childhood… with a mom who worked full time, went to nursing school full time and tries to raise me somewhere in there… I think of her with awe and admiration. Many of those hours I was in daycare and picked up and watched by my grandmother. But I know my mom did all that for me. Your kids will know, too.
    And Disneyland??? Sheesh, I feel a fever coming on. Is that a 24 hr bug you’ve got? I think you’re too sick to go into work. (oh, shame on me!)
    Darcy

  6. Oh Donna, You sure do deserve the mom of the year award you poor thing! Bad days come and go! You had a doozer though! Hang in there chickadee! It will get better and June is right around the corner! Hugs
    Donna

  7. Donna, Wanted to send you a cyber hug – I think you should call in sick and take your kids to Disneyland. DOWN WITH THE MAN! Hugs,
    Sam

  8. Donna
     Hang in there — It will get better. You are leaving in June That’s only 2 months away. But since it will be 2 very long months – tempting to call in sick!!!Hopefully all your bad luck is out of the way and things start looking brighter.

  9. I don’t know how you do it. This is a battle that my sister went through. I don’t know how she did it either. I will say a prayer for you. Angi “Phoenix’s Mom”

  10. Hate to hear that you are having a rough go at things for the moment, but suc rough times usually means there are some really good times ahead…hang in there…but at least you have your friends here…all the hugs you need…Lisa

  11. BIG HUGS coming your way.. along with some good headache meds!! Sweetie.. I’m so sorry. Why does it have to pour when it rains… and all over our kids’ fun?!?! You whine all you want.. remember I was doing it last week!! It will make you feel better… I promise!!! HUGS to a better weekend!
    Karri

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