It has been an……interesting…week to say the least. When I got to work this morning, there was just this overwhelming sadness overlaying everything. Coming here to SHARE has improved my mood greatly. You all rock.
I haven’t been feeling great all week…just a persistent headache that will not go away not matter what. I’m doing better today, but it hasn’t been fun. Our Opening Night trip got cancelled, the A’s got completely kicked by the Yankees Monday night, our new puppy is teaching the older two dogs how to make messes in the house instead of outside (the older two should be teaching him the right way to to do things, but so far, that hasn’t been working out too well), and then last night our shower head pipe broke in the wall. GREAT! Ever just feel like you want to run away? Get in the car and just keep driving? And this morning I yelled at Ryley while I was holding Ethan to get him dressed, and Ethan just broke down in tears. Denise, where’s that Mom of the Year Award? I think I need it back…….AND we turned in Ryley’s kindergarten application this morning too….My baby, starting school! Yesterday, my boss told me I couldn’t take a day off next week to take Ryley and Grace to Disneyland for their very first time…..
That’s a whole other story….Work. I went back to work full-time after Ryley and Grace. It just wasn’t an option at that point to stay home, and no matter how much I wanted to want to stay home, I didn’t. It made me crazy. I didn’t have the friends and support system I have now. After Ethan, I did quit. Then I went back to work two days a week when Ethan was six months old, three days a week when he was 8 months old, and full time last September. It is so much harder to be working full time now. I am physically EXHAUSTED much of the time. And I feel like I never have enough time to do everything that needs to be done, or I do it halfway which makes me crazy. I love my job, but it’s just that…a job. And I want to be home. With Ryley starting school in the Fall, I know my time with them is limited. I want to be involved in his classroom, I want more time with Ethan while he’s still close to being a baby. I want to be there for Grace when she starts Kindergarten in a year. Yesterday really pushed me over the edge. I was really upset and depressed that my job responsiblities might keep me from missing out on a first for my kids that I really don’t want to miss out on. I know I’m whining….believe me, I know….We’ve decided that I will be quitting at the end of June. At the very least, I’ll be going back to part time, if my bosses will allow that.
So, I’m down, but definitely not out. And coming on SHARE this morning has greatly improved my mood!