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Sometimes…….

Sometimes, I get so caught up in Ryley’s prematurity and how he’s doing, that it’s easy to ignore what might be going on with the other two. I don’t have to worry about them as much. They didn’t have his fragile beginning, they don’t have the scars of an early birth and NICU stay. They don’t have to fight all that Ryley’s had to fight. Not to say that I’m not careful with them, just that I don’t HAVE to worry as much. But then there is the pitfall of maybe missing something that should be caught, something I should be worried about.

Lately, I AM worried about Grace. She is my pretty princess, my only girl, my mommy n me shopping pal, my fellow shoe lover and clothes horse. But lately, something doesn’t seem quite right. Maybe I am paranoid. Maybe I let my worries over Ryley and the things we MIGHT find out are wrong with him as he starts school carry over onto my other children.

I’ve blogged before about Grace’s new nickname being Lolly because she lolligags over EVERYTHING……takes her forever to get from point A to point B. Sometimes lately I wonder if it’s not something more than just getting distracted or taking her own sweet time on things. Even when we say “no lolligagging!” as we head out the door, or get to school, get in the car to go somewhere, get ready for dinner, whatever, she physically cannot NOT lolligag. She gets lost in her little dreamworld, wherever that is, distracted beyond belief. Then she doesn’t hear you until you are right in her face. Sometimes I have to put my hands on the sides of her head and put my face in her face to get her attention. And then there are the meltdowns. Whining is part of having a girl, I am convinced. This little girl has perfected the art. It drives me over the edge. In recent months, she has decided, out of nowhere, that she no longer is capable of doing things for herself. If I send her on a mission to put her pj’s on or find her shoes, she will immediately claim that she needs help/can’t find them/can’t take clothes off or put them on. She might start on whatever task you set her on, but inevitably will get caught midway through and then flip out. I mean really flip out – screaming, crying, laying on the floor kicking and yelling, etc. We instituted the rule of having to try before she gets help with whatever task it is, but even that is failing right now.

Grace has been high drama from the beginning. She came out with a pout on her face. Really…….bottom lip out, etc. I have a picture of it. She did not seem happy that we “forced” her out of my body, 8 days after her due date. Maybe I should have seen the writing on the wall then that this girl would be the lolligagger in the group! Because I had essentially two infants when she was born, I didn’t get to really focus on her. But she was much more content in her bouncy seat, the swing, and then the exersaucer than Ryley had ever been. She wouldn’t let me hold her to put her to sleep…she had to go to sleep in the cradle or her bed. I didn’t nurse her very long because frankly, I wanted my body back after being pregnant back to back years and pumping/nursing Ryley in between. She has never been as fragile. When and if she does get whatever illness might be going around, she never gets it as bad as the boys do. (My dad says she’s like I was when I was a kid….to ornery to get sick!) She’s suffered more than her share of bruises (five black eyes and a broken arm before she was three) thanks to wrestling matches with Ryley, her lack of gracefulness, her tendency to be much more adventurous than Ryley was as an infant, etc, but generally, I have not had to really worry about her health and general well-being.

I don’t know what to make of these latest developments. I don’t knwo what to think. Is there something wrong with her? Or is it just her personality? Yesterday, she was running down the hallway towards the kitchen to go out back. Wide open space, and she suddenly for no apparent reason vears off track and slams into the couch. Jennifer was over at the time and we just looked at Grace as she lay on the floor where she had landed and then looked at each other as if to say “well, that was interesting……” Do I need to worry about her? I feel like a horrible mother if this has been going on and I hadn’t noticed it was a problem until now. I just don’t know. I don’t even know what I might be looking for. Any suggestions?

10 thoughts on “Sometimes…….

  1. You have described my Aleks to a T. Sounds to me like she is just being 4 and making sure you know that she has her own opinions, her own ideas and certainly her own timeframe. With Aleks, I can never just announce a plan. He needs time to mentally brood over everything. He is a classic home-body and balks about going anywhere. I have to give him the day’s agenda either the night before or first thing in the morning. Today for example, “Aleks, Lucy has a doctor’s appointment this afternoon. That means that after lunch, we’ll need to get ready to leave. We’re going to use the wagon and walk to the vet’s office.” His first reaction to everything is negative. Always. “I don’t like doctors. I’m not going.” Then he makes that face you described Grace wearing at birth. About an hour later he asks, “Is Lucy going to like the doctor? I don’t like doctors.” Then an hour after that, “Will Lucy get a treat for being a good girl? When we get home, I’m going to give her a kitty treat.”
    So I know he gets it. But if I were to announce, when it’s time to get ready… okay, shoes and coats on… time to go to go to the vet… it would be a complete and total meltdown. He would be incapable, unprepared mentally and it would be a waste. Crying, meltdown, hysterics.
    He has already asked twice when we are going to get our shoes on to leave. Now he is ready. It will much easier on everyone.
    I don’t know if that would work with Grace. If she is sometimes able to be on track, and sometimes not able… it’s usually not a problem. Problems are indicated when she can *never* follow directions – even if she badly wants to, she can *never* stay on track, and is always failing to complete a task. I would watch for her successes and make sure you’re just not noticing them because in those moments, everything is running smoothely. If you’re like me, you always notice strife because it slows everything down.
    This might be something to mention to your ped at her next appt, but to my untrained ears, she sounds like a 4 year old. A really smart one.
    Darcy

  2. Boy, Donna, that’s a tough one! I wish I had an answer for you but if you are that concerned about it (I think I may be also) maybe you can take her to see a specialist. The poor thing. I know how hard it is to deal with the whining too because Emma has really perfected that as well. I, too, am convinced it is a girl thing. I wish you luck on your search for answers. I am sure others may help you more than I can but know that I am thinking about you and wishing you all the best! Hugs, Donna

  3. Donna,
    I’m so sorry that you are worried about your little princess. I don’t have much advice except, hang in there! Kara

  4. Donna, Your daughter sounds like a lot of four-year-olds that I have known – they’re just processing the world around them. It also sounds like she has her own agenda, and will do things when she is good and ready. You’re a great mom, raising three children, working, doing everything you have to do to survive in California . Of course, if you’re overly worried you could always talk to the doc. Big hugs!
    Sam

  5. I’m with Darcy on this one…she’s that ripe age of four…and she’s a GIRL on top of that…I think girls perfected the art of lollygagging!! Taylor at 4 was JUST like this…our routine was very normal, everyday….so that wasn’t her concern…it was just that…she…(and I hate to say she’s STILL like this) procrastinates EVERYTHING…from getting ready in the morning, to getting ready for bed, to cleaning her room, to feeding the cat…she just…WON’T…do it…until I start getting after her. We actually had a conversation last night about procrastination (I’m one of those..so she comes by it honest, but I SOO don’t want her to be that way), so this blog rings true for me. I honestly think that she just wants to do things HER way, in HER time, when SHE’S ready…yep…sounds like a 4 y/o girl to me…and a princess on top of that?! Yep!! Taylor is 10 and STILL to this day, when I ask her to get her clothes out for the next morning, or go get her brush to brush her hair, or whatever, she TOO comes back minutes later…”I can’t find it”….DRIVES ME CRAZY!!! So I just started telling her, “Look again, cause if I go look and can find it right away, you’re on restriction for being lazy!”….works EVERY time!! Hope I’ve been more help than despair (that it’ll last forever!) I hope you have a magical Mother’s Day…with lots of fun, family, and memories!!! Hugs, love, and angel kisses,
    Sharlene

  6. Darcy and Shar are right… it’s the age and being female. My niece Hailee is 7 and is still the same way… If there is a tv on and you want her to get something done (like even eating dinner) she is all zoned out and cannot hear a word anyone else says…. My sister fights with that alot. She only listens to about 1/4 of what she is told to do and usually it ends up with her Mom having to yell. She is accident prone too… she bruises easily and has tons of them all over her legs… looks like she gets beat. Her and Malachi we always joke have magnets in their heads because they’ll be playing in the yard and it’s only a matter of time before they run smack into each other… one time we were all laughing so hard but then we realized that neither of them got back up… then we freaked out but they were both ok in the end. I’m sending you an arm full of patience… you’ll need it. Hugs

  7. Donna,
    Good luck with this one. Domonique is a “cry baby” so she very well may follow the same path as Ryley. I agree with Darcy and Sharlene she is most likely “just being 4”.
    (I wonder if Sharlene’s restriction for being lazy will work on my husband? I have to remember to ask her about that)
    Anyhow, good luck and hang in there!
    I realize it is frustrating for you.
    Karen

  8. Donna, While I totally see why you might be concerned … I think kids *do* have their own personalities … their own opinions … and they LOVE to make their own decisions (thus organize their own little worlds). It also sounds like this is typical behavior … though some of it is new … It could just be a development or progression of her personality … Of course, if you are really concerned you may bring it to your pediatrician’s attention. But as frustrating as her behavior sometimes may be …. It could be that she is just a 4 year old cutie pie – princess. You know I love ya! And I love your kids! In fact .. I love your blog .. the whole thing! Kids are such a hoot …. such a mystery …. such a worry … such a LOVE. I’m sorry I’ve missed answering some of your posts. Happy Mother’s Day! Melissa

  9. Donna,
    Hate to say it but it sounds like Gracie is taking after her cousins and (quite possibly though I hate to admit it) her auntie! Hang in there. Dany is starting to outgrow it and actually hears me when I talk to her. Which I think frustrates her even more because Kate doesn’t hear me yet. This means Dany ends up doing more to help out. Poor kid. Gracie will get through it or not. But remember through it you are learning patience with her (he, he). Just flash back to all those years of us living together and that should help. Amy

  10. I don’t have any suggestions for you. I do hope that you find the answers to your problems soon. Angi “Phoenix’s Mom”

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