Sometimes I truly don’t get myself. I am 8 days away from being home full-time with the munchkins. I have been taking all three kids to one form of daycare or another, off and on, for five years. Why is it getting harder?
Ethan cried all the way to daycare today. “no play Phia (no play with Sophia)” he cried and cried and cried. It broke my heart. As we’re walking up, he’s just crying and saying no, desperately clinging to me. We walked in and he won’t let go…..He just keep saying “upppeez Momma, uppeez” and doing the sign for “go”…..I finally refocused his attention to the Thomas toys (his current favorite), and was able to get away. I was so sad as I walked to my car…..what is his day like? What does he think of being with someone else all day? I’m not in any way making a statement on working moms or the necessary childcare that goes along with working…….I’ve been in this position from the beginning. I just don’t get why this is so hard NOW?
Ryley and Grace have nearly always had each other. Ryley only went to daycare by himself for nine months. Then Gracie joined him. He doesn’t remember going anywhere by himself. I think that’s made it easier on Ryley and Grace to have had each other always there – easier to see me walk out the door to go to work, knowing their sibling was still there. Ethan hasn’t had that luxury. I think that’s made him more aware of mom leaving, and made him more clingy when I drop him off. And it’s making me really sad. Sometimes I wish Ethan had a sibling close to him like Ryley and Grace have with each other. We’re definitely “done” though, and my brain SPINS at the thought of having another set 12 months apart from each other. I wonder if he’ll ever be jealous of what Grace and Ryley have. They are so close……..My heart completely fills up whenever I see Ryley and Ethan playing with each other or doing anything together. I see the brother bond start to emerge and I worry less. But this daycare thing has really gotten to me the past few weeks.
I’m sorry this is so scattered. You know how you think about what you want to write, and then when you start to write, it just doesn’t come out the way you’d planned? Yep, that’s me today.