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Saying goodbye

I said goodbye to a member of my family today. My head hearts from crying so much. It has not been a good day. Am I a bummer lately or what?

Jeep is (was now, I guess) a cocker spaniel. I’ve had her since the minute she was born (her mom is one of my dogs too). She was 12. She has been such a joy her entire life. Such a good dog, and so hard to let go. We got asked a lot about her name….she earned it by never ever going around anything (furniture, siblings, toys, etc), but always 4-wheeling over whatever got in her way. She was my snuggle bug dog. She often took naps with me, laying on her back next to me in the bed, snoring away on the pillow. when I was pregnant with each of the kids, she was so protective. When I came home from my three week hospital stay, she met me at the door, and followed me around the house for days. Midnight nursing sessions were done with Jeep on the floor at my feet. She was just the sweetest dog.

A week ago, she started having breathing problems. The initial diagnosis was asthma/allergies. So, she went on a couple of the same meds that Ryley has for his asthma. She didn’t get better. This morning, she was really struggling to breath…..really, really struggling. Michael and I were so worried…he took her to the emergency vet early this morning. After five hours of testing, including bloodwork, x-rays, and an endoscopy under sedation, they found a paralysis at the opening of her larynx. The little flaps that open and close were completely closed and inflamed. This was not something she would recover from. We could have had a trach done while we waited five days for the biopsy to come back. The treatment after biopsy would be a tie-back where they surgically pull those flaps back and tie them in an open position. The problem with that being food and drink would end up in her lungs constantly, meaning round after round of pneumonia. I couldn’t do that to her, couldn’t see her suffer through all of that, knowing it would never get better. She never woke up from the endoscopy. We had her quietly put to sleep. I have never cried so much over losing an animal…..not since I was a little girl and my beloved cat got leukemia.

I so miss Jeep already. Yes, we have two other dogs, but they won’t ever fill the place Jeep held in our house and in our hearts. I do feel like a complete dork being so torn up over this. Just picking up her food bowl tonight, and not filling it when I fed the other two sent me over the edge again, and the tears are flowing as I write…..So, goodbye dear Jeep…You were a beautiful, precious part of my life.


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10 thoughts on “Saying goodbye

  1. Oh Donna, I am so so so so sorry. Believe me, you are no dork, a pet is not just a pet, they are a member of your family. My goodness, I wish I could give you a hug. The simple act of picking up her food bowl, something you would do all of the time, is enough to break your heart. This will take time to heal – please know that you are in my thoughts sweetie. Love,
    Sam

  2. Donna,
    I am sooooooooo sorry you had to put Jeep down she was a beautiful puppy!!! You are definitely not a dork for being so torn up over losing her, when my cat Misty died I cried for at least a week if not more. I had to take a day off of work cause I couldn’t stop crying. I am tearing up writing this it is so hard to lose a member of your “furry” family so I definitely understand. With as sweet as she was I am sure she earned her puppy wings today.
    Hugs to you!!!!
    Jen

  3. I am so sorry to hear about Jeep. It is so hard to put a pet to sleep!! You are so not a dork. Pets tend to be a part of the family just a person is.
    hugs to all in your family.
    lindsay (jack’s mama)

  4. I would be just as torn up as you if I lost my Aby…. she’s only 2 1/2 but I’ve had her since she was just 4 weeks old… she’s my furry baby…. Animals fill such a special place in our hearts…. Jeep was with you through so much… so many memories that you made together…. she was a special part of your family. I’m sorry to hear she had to be put down…. my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family…. Jeep was a beautiful furry friend. Hugs

  5. Donna,
    How awful to get blindsided like that. You take your dog in for a seemingly common problem and get the worst possible outcom.
    I am so sorry. I don’t know many people (including men) who don’t ball their eyes out when they have to make such a heartbreaking descision. We will be coming up on that in the next year with our black lab “Tarr”. Domonique has grown so fond of her. She is about 13 or 14 yrs. My husband has had her for 10 yrs and she was at least 3 when he got her. You cry your eyes out…..Jeep had a special place in your family and he will be missed.
    Hugs,
    Karen

  6. Donna, I’m so sorry! I know Jeep is deeply missed and I wish there was something I could do to bring her back for you!!! She was a beautiful dog and I know you will have a so many beautiful memories to cherish of her. Hugs! You have really been through enough lately! Amy

  7. Oh Sweetheat!! I’m so sorry that you had to say good-bye to Jeep! I know how upset you are… and I do understand. You are not a dork for being sad. Jeep was a part of your family, and you have watched her grow. You have so many memories with her. Know I’m here… if you want to talk!
    Hugs!
    Karri

  8. Oh Donna – I am so so sorry. We had our dog of 14 years put to sleep after a very brief illness (it’s been a year) – and Charlie and I both cried more than I thought was humanly possible. They are – quite literally – little people with fur.
    Luckily for us – our vet is awesome – and he closed down the office when he realized Baylee wouldn’t make it. We got to hold her – in peace and quiet – while she was given her shot. It is something I’ll never forget. I am so glad that you have so many great memories of Jeep. I am certain Jeep has that many memories of you also…and of her family. HUGS!
    Denise

  9. Donna, Don’t feel sorry for feeling this way about your beloved Jeep!! She is a part of your family, has been from day one!! She is a beautiful dog and I know she will be sorely missed, by all of your family!! What a beautiful tribute to a special family member!! Our pets gain our love so freely, and then they steal our hearts away…..so letting go and saying goodbye to such a part of your life, for 12 years…is hard, and is a loss!! I know Jeep was loved, and she knew she was loved, and all you did for her, was out of love!! Know I’m keeping you all close to my heart this week as you struggle to move on without your precious Jeep!! hugs to you sweetie! hugs to your kids tonight!!
    Sharlene

  10. As I sit here reading your blog, I am crying. I know that heartbreak that you feel all too well. We had to put down a cat that was 21. I know that is old but we loved her so much. We are animal lovers. We would go without before not taking any of our animals to the vet. They have gotten my through everything that we have been through. Saying good bye to a friend is never easy. They give you the unconiditonal love that everybody wants in their lives. My heart goes out to you. Angi “Phoenix’s Mom’

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