I said goodbye to a member of my family today. My head hearts from crying so much. It has not been a good day. Am I a bummer lately or what?
Jeep is (was now, I guess) a cocker spaniel. I’ve had her since the minute she was born (her mom is one of my dogs too). She was 12. She has been such a joy her entire life. Such a good dog, and so hard to let go. We got asked a lot about her name….she earned it by never ever going around anything (furniture, siblings, toys, etc), but always 4-wheeling over whatever got in her way. She was my snuggle bug dog. She often took naps with me, laying on her back next to me in the bed, snoring away on the pillow. when I was pregnant with each of the kids, she was so protective. When I came home from my three week hospital stay, she met me at the door, and followed me around the house for days. Midnight nursing sessions were done with Jeep on the floor at my feet. She was just the sweetest dog.
A week ago, she started having breathing problems. The initial diagnosis was asthma/allergies. So, she went on a couple of the same meds that Ryley has for his asthma. She didn’t get better. This morning, she was really struggling to breath…..really, really struggling. Michael and I were so worried…he took her to the emergency vet early this morning. After five hours of testing, including bloodwork, x-rays, and an endoscopy under sedation, they found a paralysis at the opening of her larynx. The little flaps that open and close were completely closed and inflamed. This was not something she would recover from. We could have had a trach done while we waited five days for the biopsy to come back. The treatment after biopsy would be a tie-back where they surgically pull those flaps back and tie them in an open position. The problem with that being food and drink would end up in her lungs constantly, meaning round after round of pneumonia. I couldn’t do that to her, couldn’t see her suffer through all of that, knowing it would never get better. She never woke up from the endoscopy. We had her quietly put to sleep. I have never cried so much over losing an animal…..not since I was a little girl and my beloved cat got leukemia.
I so miss Jeep already. Yes, we have two other dogs, but they won’t ever fill the place Jeep held in our house and in our hearts. I do feel like a complete dork being so torn up over this. Just picking up her food bowl tonight, and not filling it when I fed the other two sent me over the edge again, and the tears are flowing as I write…..So, goodbye dear Jeep…You were a beautiful, precious part of my life.