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Desperation

It is happening again, and I don’t know if I can handle it this time. I don’t understand it. I don’t know the reason for it. It is frustrating beyond belief, and it completely breaks my heart.

For a few nights last week, Ryley had stayed dry throughout the whole night, without being woken up to go to the bathroom. I wanted to be done with this, but knew that this was probably not the end of this part of his story. And yes, here we are again with a wet bed every morning, and Ryley in different pj’s than he went to sleep in. That doesn’t bother me so much. We started talking to the pediatrician two years ago about the nighttime potty stuff. She confirmed that sometimes boys just take a lot longer with nights, and we would revisit it when he turned six. Here we are….six years old, and nowhere near nighttime trained. I was over this. I figured when he goes to his six year check up, we would get an RX for the alarm thing and then be done with it.

My problem is with the days. We have not gone one single day without an accident, including poops, for the past month. This is the part I really don’t understand, the part that is the most frustrating. He is fine at school……hadn’t had an accident there, until today when he was getting ready to come home and just didn’t get to the bathroom on time. I can’t take him anywhere without worrying about him having an accident. He can’t get through an afternoon at home without one. It hurts me, it saddens me to the core, it sometimes makes me angry, and the frustration is beyond anything I can put into words. I hurt for him. I want this to be done. One of the neighbor boys was over playing the other day and asked why Ryley couldn’t go potty on the potty all the time. He wanted to know why Ryley had accidents. It stopped me in my tracks. Others are noticing. Others are starting to say things to Ryley. I am terrified during soccer practices and games that something will happen…..something will be said…..Ryley will become “that kid”. I am terrified of that happening at school too. But it never seems to happen at school and so far we’ve been good at practice and during games. Which leads me to think that this is NOT a physical problem. But I have to know for sure.

Tonight, we were going out to dinner with two other families for a friend’s birthday. As we were getting out of the car, Ryley said he had to go potty. I checked (reflex reaction for me anymore), and he’d wet a bit. And then I noticed that he’d bm’d a little bit too (TMI, I’m sorry). I debated on taking them home right then and not doing dinner. But the kids were upset at that idea, wanting to go out to dinner (a rare treat since Ethan is not very restaurant friendly right now) and see their friends. So in we went. I tossed his underwear and we sat down. Not ten minutes later, he told me he had to go potty again. We got into the bathroom, and I smelled “that” smell on him, again. And there it was again…..another accident. I just started to cry. He went potty, I gathered up him and Grace and Ethan, and we left. I just couldn’t do it….I couldn’t sit at that table with him smelling. I couldn’t let any of the other kids know what had happened. So we left. All three kids screamed most of the way home…..And I cried. I’m still crying. I just don’t understand…..why is this happening? Why doesn’t it happen at school, but seems to happen nearly everywhere else?

We go to his six-year check-up tomorrow. I am not leaving there without some answers, or at least a referral to somewhere we can get some answers. I can’t do this anymore. I need to know if there is a physical reason this is happening, or if there is another reason for it. It breaks my heart for him. It breaks my heart for me. I do know that he does not handle change well. Starting kindergarten is a HUGE change, so I kind of thought he might start having more accidents. I didn’t expect the poopy accidents, and I certainly didn’t expect the pee accidents everyday more than a month after starting school.

He’s going to hate me for this blog someday. If you’re read this much yourself, I commend you. I can hardly believe that I can dedicate yet another blog to potty training, or the lack of it, much less write this much about it. Honestly, I’m really tired of thinking about it, much less living it and wish with all my heart that I weren’t writing about it, again.

Weird thing……..I wrote about Ryley’s misshap and injuries from Saturday. When I picked him up from school yesterday, he told me the that he’d been sent to the nurses office to have it checked out. Fine….I know their primary goal is to protect the kids and make sure nothing bad is going on at home. I never received a call from the school, nor a note from the teacher, that this had been done, nor asked anything about what happened to him. Another mother from the class took Ryley to school today and brought him home as she helped out in the class today and I watched her two younger children. She said that when she was checking out in the office at the end of their class, Ryley went back into the nurse’s office (to go potty) and the nurse was looking at it again, and asking him again how it happened, etc. She said the nurse was asking him in a way that a kid wouldn’t realize (but any other adult would) she was trying to find out if his mom or dad had done this to him. Again, I’m fine with their purpose, I’m fine with them checking him and asking him how he was and how it happened. I am not fine with them questioning him again without any kind of phone call or note to me or his dad. I TOTALLY understand they have a job to do, and I completely respect that. I want every kind of precaution taken against children being abused in any way, but I do want them to have a conversation with me in the process.

6 thoughts on “Desperation

  1. Donna, I just want to give you a big hug right now. It must be so frustrating for you. Not to mention scary. Yes, I say scary because I too would fear that Ryley’s friends might tease him. Kids at that age can be so brutal. I hope and pray the doctor can give you some answers tomorrow. I would probably be more concerned with the bm because I would fear it to be a medical concern. I would also have a talk with the school nurse and tell her that although you appreciate her concern and protectiveness to the children, she has become borderline insulting to you for not discussing this with you. Some people have a way of pushing the issue too far. They look for trouble where there is none and are totally blind to the children who need them most. Big Hugs, Karen

  2. Donna, I’m sorry sweetie!! I can hear the frustration in your words… HUGS Sweetie!! I know how hard this is for you. We’ve talked about this so many times. I wish I had the answers you want and need. I’m glad you are seeing the doc tomorrow. Hopefully you can get some answers. Know I’m thinking about you. I’m only a phone call away!! Sorry about the nurse thing as well. That is a bit odd. You should have gotten some sort of call on this. I think I might have to question them on their protocol. Hang in there!!
    Hugs and Love,
    Karri

  3. Oh, Donna – I am sorry that I have to wait a week to give you a HUG – you really need it now! I hope the doctor tomorrow has some answers or at least some ideas. I have no experience in this area so can’t offer advice but I sure am thinking about you guys! I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be. Hang in there!
    Kara

  4. Donna,
    My heart aches for you too. I have absolutely no experience w/ this so I can not offer any advice…but I hope that something can be figured out. I hope you go to the doctor and he gives you that referral…something to help this along.
    Big Hugs
    Carissa

  5. Donna –
    I am SO sorry that you – and Ryley – are going through this right now. As embarrassing as it is for you – it has to be doubly so for him. That breaks my heart. I hope the Dr. has some answers for you – and a “fix” for this. I really do. Hugs to you!
    Denise

  6. I could have written much of this. I *do* know how you feel. And even as I type this, I can smell a certain 5-year old in my house. My 5 yr old who has never, ever, not once, ever had a BM on the potty. So I understand the frustration, the sadness, the hope that your kid isn’t going to be “that kid”. I hope it, too… for both our boys.
    I’d like to hope at 6 it will be resolved. But at this rate, I’ll be writing this blog at this time next year. *hugs*
    Darcy

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