Remember those good Mommy days I was having last week? Yep, they’re gone. By Monday, we were back to normal, unfortunately. I think they’re really getting excited about Halloween and it’s beginning to affect the behavior. That and Ethan is becoming a typical 2 1/2 – 3 year old boy, which is making me a little insane. Ah well…..I knew it was coming.
But that’s not really what the Mommy Guilt is about this week. Gracie turned 5 two weeks ago. I didn’t blog about it then, because I was in Kansas City. Yep, I missed my daughter’s fifth birthday. Oh, we celebrated before I left, and I called her (which was torture in and of itself – but that’s a different story entirely!) on her birthday. But I was feeling a little bad that I wasn’t here with her. She didn’t even notice apparently, thankfully.
We had her birthday party this past Saturday. For the second year in a row, her party was about 1/3rd what Ryley’s was. While there were 24 pirates at Ryley’s party just a month ago, there were 9 Hello Kitties (including my three kids) at Grace’s birthday party. It was a cute party. There was a much lower stress level for me during the party. The kids seemed to have fun. And Grace got some really cute gifts. I just feel so bad. Ryley’s had these big blowouts the past two years, and Grace has had these little things. She had ONE GIRL from her class at school here. The rest were our kids, the neighbor’s two, and another family that we hang out with all the time. She had a good time…..we played a couple of games, she had a pinata, they got to paint their goodie bags, and we had the cutest cupcake cake. It was what she wanted, but she was kind of sad that no girls from her ballet class, and only one girl from her class came. I vowed to myself that next year, she will get the blowout party, if it kills me in the process!!!!!!!!!
She’s five. I have a hard time saying that for some reason. She sometimes gets lost in the shuffle. Poor little middle kid. She just came so soon after Ryley, and has had very few health issues especially in relation. And she’s been Miss Independent from the get-go. She is my princess. I love her more than words can say. I just feel guilty that she seems to have gotten the shaft lately. But then, she gets more clothes and shoes than the boys because, let’s face it, girl clothes are way cuter than boyclothes. She gets one-on-one time with Mommy every Saturday morning when I take her to ballet and every Sunday when she goes grocery shopping with me. She gets to read girly books with Mom. She gets her nails painted and hair done by Mom. So why do I feel so guilty about a birthday party? Why do I feel like such an awful mom that she didn’t have 20 kids at her party?
Next year she will start kindergarten. She wants to grow up so much. She asks to do homework like Ryley does. She is sad that her friend Kayla is in kindergarten and she is not. She seems sad when I drop her off at preschool, but never says a word about it. I know she’s finding her way on her own. She’s always had Ryley there to help her through. It’s hard to watch her struggle with this. I feel like she’s paying a price for Ryley’s prematurity in a way I couldn’t even imagine five years ago.
I feel like I have to, need to, make things up to her somehow. I just don’t know how. I don’t know how to make myself feel better for her. She doesn’t even have as many scrapbook pages done as the boys have in their books. AAHHHHH!!!!!!
And once again, the party pics were taken with the new camera, and they are WAY too big to post. DRAT!!!!!