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Feelin some mommy guilt

Remember those good Mommy days I was having last week? Yep, they’re gone. By Monday, we were back to normal, unfortunately. I think they’re really getting excited about Halloween and it’s beginning to affect the behavior. That and Ethan is becoming a typical 2 1/2 – 3 year old boy, which is making me a little insane. Ah well…..I knew it was coming.

But that’s not really what the Mommy Guilt is about this week. Gracie turned 5 two weeks ago. I didn’t blog about it then, because I was in Kansas City. Yep, I missed my daughter’s fifth birthday. Oh, we celebrated before I left, and I called her (which was torture in and of itself – but that’s a different story entirely!) on her birthday. But I was feeling a little bad that I wasn’t here with her. She didn’t even notice apparently, thankfully.

We had her birthday party this past Saturday. For the second year in a row, her party was about 1/3rd what Ryley’s was. While there were 24 pirates at Ryley’s party just a month ago, there were 9 Hello Kitties (including my three kids) at Grace’s birthday party. It was a cute party. There was a much lower stress level for me during the party. The kids seemed to have fun. And Grace got some really cute gifts. I just feel so bad. Ryley’s had these big blowouts the past two years, and Grace has had these little things. She had ONE GIRL from her class at school here. The rest were our kids, the neighbor’s two, and another family that we hang out with all the time. She had a good time…..we played a couple of games, she had a pinata, they got to paint their goodie bags, and we had the cutest cupcake cake. It was what she wanted, but she was kind of sad that no girls from her ballet class, and only one girl from her class came. I vowed to myself that next year, she will get the blowout party, if it kills me in the process!!!!!!!!!

She’s five. I have a hard time saying that for some reason. She sometimes gets lost in the shuffle. Poor little middle kid. She just came so soon after Ryley, and has had very few health issues especially in relation. And she’s been Miss Independent from the get-go. She is my princess. I love her more than words can say. I just feel guilty that she seems to have gotten the shaft lately. But then, she gets more clothes and shoes than the boys because, let’s face it, girl clothes are way cuter than boyclothes. She gets one-on-one time with Mommy every Saturday morning when I take her to ballet and every Sunday when she goes grocery shopping with me. She gets to read girly books with Mom. She gets her nails painted and hair done by Mom. So why do I feel so guilty about a birthday party? Why do I feel like such an awful mom that she didn’t have 20 kids at her party?

Next year she will start kindergarten. She wants to grow up so much. She asks to do homework like Ryley does. She is sad that her friend Kayla is in kindergarten and she is not. She seems sad when I drop her off at preschool, but never says a word about it. I know she’s finding her way on her own. She’s always had Ryley there to help her through. It’s hard to watch her struggle with this. I feel like she’s paying a price for Ryley’s prematurity in a way I couldn’t even imagine five years ago.

I feel like I have to, need to, make things up to her somehow. I just don’t know how. I don’t know how to make myself feel better for her. She doesn’t even have as many scrapbook pages done as the boys have in their books. AAHHHHH!!!!!!

And once again, the party pics were taken with the new camera, and they are WAY too big to post. DRAT!!!!!

8 thoughts on “Feelin some mommy guilt

  1. AWW!! Donna, I’m sorry you missed Gracie’s Birthday, but it sounds like the children had fun at the party on Saturday-don’t feel guilty your Gracie knows mommy loves her *very* much!!
    HUGS,
    Colleen

  2. Oh Donna, I’m going through the same thing with Katelyn, my oldest. Maybe I’ll blog about it… but I completely understand that need to feel like you must make it up to her. Speaking of Gracie, I still giggle when I think of the haircut photos. Keep your chin up. Your a great mom to all three of those kids. Hugs, Amy

  3. Donna –
    I hate that you feel like you do – I truly do. But I can relate – and I think I”ve even blogged about it. I think Em gets the shaft because she’s so easy. She gets the shaft cuz we don’t invite as many people to her party…cuz it’s during flu season. Honestly, at this point, I doubt Gracie even sees a difference…other than going to preschool without Ryley. Will she someday know that Ryley had a bigger party? Probably – but I doubt that it’s right now. Her party sounds fabulous – and I’m guessing she thinks so, too! Hang in there – you’re a great mom! Hugs,
    Denise

  4. Oh, Donna! I’m sorry. I’m sure you are feeling terrible and guilty! On my boys’ *first* birthday – the one that’s supposed to be the big, blow-out, the celebration that they had, quite literally, lived through the whole year… I was in a wedding. I saw them for like ten seconds that da while I was on my way out the door to my matron of honor duties. They were one – and didn’t even know it was their birthday – but I felt SO badly!! I am sure Gracie knows she’s mommy’s special girl!! (and reading Amy’s response, I, too, have only *one* picture of her in my head – and she’s nearly bald!) I feel like Lorne takes up SO much of my time (because he does) and he is the only one who leaves the house with me one-on-one, who gets to stay up a bit later than his brothers (his feeding schedule), etc. Then there are Isaac’s eye problems… and my poor Sullivan just left to fend for himself. But I know he loves me!! Huh… this turned into *my* experience!! Anyway, take care!
    Kara

  5. Donna,
    You are not a bad Mommy…. My sister has done just about the same with her middle child. My niece Hailee does get the shaft at times. My sister doesn’t do it on purpose but she was like you… had her second so close to her first. They were only 15 months apart. She will go to war for her first born but Hailee seems to have to fight ALOT harder for her attention. Hailee’s birth came at a rough time… my sister’s marriage was on the rocks, Malachi was still so small and my sister had a real hard time bonding with Hailee right away. Hailee is my snuggler. She loves to curl up next to me when Madalynn lets her (she doesn’t like to share.. lol). This summer I saw some changes in Hailee and her Mom’s relationship. Kandice started to go to her and snuggle… It melted my heart. Hey… you are a great Mommy… You realized that maybe you need to focus a bit more on Gracie… I’m sure that she knows just how much you love her… And I’m with the other girls… Her party sounds like a blast. So she had fewer people and maybe the party wasn’t the same as Ryley’s but It sounds really fun. Take care- Hugs Krystal

  6. Thanks for sharing!! I don’t know what it like to have to split time between more than one child, but I am sure it can’t be easy! It was nice to have met you at Share Union! One of my classroom associates’ last name is Schweitzer, so I won’t forget it!
    By the way…if your camera takes big pics, there is somthing called InfranView online that you can download and shrink them. Don’t shrink them to replace them, but Save As and then post them online! Take care!
    Amy

  7. Oh Donna! You are a fantastic mom! You have 3 beautiful children who love you for all that you do for them…little things, big things…they may not show it all the time but they do. Grace may feel a little unsure of herself at preschool without Ryley but she’ll find her niche soon. And I’m sure she loved her party even if it was a small one. Please, you don’t need to feel bad or beat yourself up. You’re a cool and terrific mom! ~Jaclyn~

  8. Donna, You know, I know what you are saying when you say.. “Make something up to her”.. I struggle with this with Ian. I have the worst guilt for all he had to miss out on.. when the girls were born. I understand!!! As for her party.. wether she has 2 or 200 kids at her party.. all she’ll remember is that she had FUN!!! Don’t beat yourself up about that. She will also remember all the Mommy time she gets each weekend.. and through out the day.. painting nails, fixing hair, shopping. She will remember these times! You’re a great Mommy! Don’t forget that! Love and Hugs!
    Karri

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