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Psych appt outcome

We finally had Ryley’s psych appt today for the whole potty accident thing. Seems like awhile since I was complaining about it, but, yes, it has still been an issue. It hasn’t been as big an issue as it was when we had his six year old check-up, but definitely still an issue. Anyways, today we finally went. Honestly, we didn’t get any answers. And I’m feeling a bit frustrated tonight.

The Dr. did seem to believe that it is a behavioral thing, especially because he is able to get through the 3 1/2 hours of school each day without any accidents. BUT then she said maybe he doesn’t have the sensation he should have, when he should have it. She wondered out loud about the minor brain bleed he had while in the NICU, but again didn’t know if that would have affected his muscles. After watching him put together tinker toys, she didn’t think muscle control/sensation was an issue either. Essentially, we have been sent back to square one on the entire potty training process…..with a six year old. Hmmmm……She suggested everything we’ve tried, but basically told me to start over again. She even suggested that potty training from square one with both boys, at the same time, might help Ryley. Maybe if Ryley feels like he is helping me train Ethan, he will do better. So, for the next three weeks I am supposed to: 1) Put Ryley on the toilet for 5 – 10 minutes every hour; 2) limit fluids an hour before bed but not at all during the day; 3) re-institute a reward system with one-on-one time with Mommy as the reward and 4) spend 15 minutes a day with each of my three children, one on one, playing whatever he/she wants to play. We go back in three weeks to see if these have had any effect.

As for the last two of those……the guilt set in when they were brought up. She made a comment, not meanly, about having three children so close together in age. We did not decide to have Grace a mere 12 months after Ryley was born, but we did decide to have Ethan when Grace and Ryley were just 2 1/2 and 3 1/2. The doc said maybe Ryley is doing this as a bid to grab attention. I did start potty training him just before he turned 3, and right after we found out I was pregnant with Ethan. Was I wrong to want my children close in age? Did having a baby at a crucial point in Ryley’s development cause him to regress so permanently in his potty training? Do I not give enough attention to my children that Ryley feels he has to do something this drastic to get my attention?

I’m pretty sure she didn’t say that to MAKE me feel this way. I know that we often take our own insecurities and apply them to innocent words, hurting ourselves in the process. I feel bad enough and guilty enough and inadequate enough over this entire problem. Now I’m questioning my decisions on when I had my children (which I obviously can’t change) as well as my mothering skills and whether I pay enough attention to each of my children. AAAAHHHH!!!!!

So, no, we didn’t get any real answers today. As usual, we got more questions and things to “try” and then go back to report on progress, or the lack of it. Am I frustrated? YES!!! One of the biggest problems I’m having is the lack of support in this from my husband. I love him dearly, and he is a wonderful father and husband, but for him (and I know we’ve discussed this before) Ryley’s “prematurity” ended when we left the NICU. He thinks I am making a big deal out of this for no reason. He said he was afraid I was going to make Ryley “think he is crazy” by taking him to the psych and talking about this so much. I don’t think Ryley is crazy. But something is going on, and I don’t know what it is, and I need to figure out what it is or at least how I can best/better handle it. AND if Ryley’s pediatrician thinks it’s enough of a problem to refer him to a psych, then isn’t it *something* I should be concerned about and following up on?

Sorry to vent. It’s been a very hectic, eventful, and frustrating couple of days. So now, we try – again – and we wait and see.

9 thoughts on “Psych appt outcome

  1. I’m sorry that you didn’t get any answers today. I can’t imagine the frusteration you are going through… it’s not your fault though…. you are a WONDERFUL Mommy and maybe you could have done this or that differently but… you could still end up right where you are…. Ryley could still have something physically wrong with him… and it could be due to his prematurity. I hope that you find something that helps Ryley soon. Maybe working with Ethan will help… who knows… until then… vent away… I’m here for you. Hugs Krystal

  2. My heart goes out to you. I wish that you got some answers today. But maybe somewhere around the corner you will. Maybe training both boys at the same time will encourage Ryley. I wish you the best. I hope that in three weeks you can back to us with some really good news. Angi “Phoenix’s moM”

  3. Man girl…you have a right to vent and feel frustrated! I’m so sorry you didn’t get any definitive answers. I hope the re-training suggestions will work for you. I’ll be thinking of you. Good luck! Crystal

  4. Donna,
    Sorry you didn’t get any answers. I feel you when you say you go to these appts. and just get more questions. I’m glad you vented, you know were here to listen. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts! LOVE,

  5. Donna,
    Sorry to hear that the psych appt did not go as well as you would of liked. Wish you would of gotten some answers so you did not have to feel so frustrated. Sorry to hear that dear hubby is not supporting you more. A mothers work is never done, is it? You are not going to make Riley think he is crazy for going to the appt. Riley only thinks he is seeing another “doctor”. You are doing what any *one* of us would of done. Your a concerned mommy and you just want to get to the bottom of things. Good luck sweetie and hang in there!!

  6. Donna, I question myself at every turn about things like that. I know I shouldn’t, but as mothers, we probably always will despite our efforts! Just part of it, I guess. I’m sorry no revelations were made on the potty training. That’s frustrating! Maybe starting over is the answer, though, and you will move forward from here. I am crossing my fingers for you! Diane

  7. Oh, Donna, I’m SO sorry this is *still* going on! I’m so sorry this hasn’t resolved “on it’s own”. I can totally understand the one-on-one thing. I honestly thought when you said 15 minutes a day one-on-one time… that I don’t think I get FIVE minutes with any of them truly one-on-one that isn’t feeding Lorne or waking up with one of them in the middle of the night. How sad!! I am going to try this, too. Praying for answers SOON! Kara

  8. Vent all you want, that’s what we’re here for! Maybe the co-potty training isn’t a bad idea. I’ve had several friends say that while training an older child, the younger one watched very intently and wanted to participate………thus making their own training much easier. The age range in children is always a hot button and I don’t think any of us can win. If you have them four years or more apart, people think you had “problems”, 10 years or more and “it’s not fair to them”, kids close together…………well people look at my husband and I like we must REALLY love each other, a lot, and often. We didn’t plan Camden to arrive 16 months after London, she was a complete surprise (we weren’t suppose to be able to have another). Yet we feel so blessed. When people make remarks about how close they are, it bugs me. One, it really isn’t their business. Two, I’m just thankful to have two of my children here. Hang in there. Keep us updated on the potty training. -Shonda

  9. Oh Donna, I hear your frustration. I understand your need to find an answer for this issue. I hope that the co-pottying will help. It couldn’t hurt, right? As for the age thing, can loving one another to create a special human-being be all that bad? Besides, who’s to judge? I’ll be thinking of you all. ~Jaclyn~

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