We finally had Ryley’s psych appt today for the whole potty accident thing. Seems like awhile since I was complaining about it, but, yes, it has still been an issue. It hasn’t been as big an issue as it was when we had his six year old check-up, but definitely still an issue. Anyways, today we finally went. Honestly, we didn’t get any answers. And I’m feeling a bit frustrated tonight.
The Dr. did seem to believe that it is a behavioral thing, especially because he is able to get through the 3 1/2 hours of school each day without any accidents. BUT then she said maybe he doesn’t have the sensation he should have, when he should have it. She wondered out loud about the minor brain bleed he had while in the NICU, but again didn’t know if that would have affected his muscles. After watching him put together tinker toys, she didn’t think muscle control/sensation was an issue either. Essentially, we have been sent back to square one on the entire potty training process…..with a six year old. Hmmmm……She suggested everything we’ve tried, but basically told me to start over again. She even suggested that potty training from square one with both boys, at the same time, might help Ryley. Maybe if Ryley feels like he is helping me train Ethan, he will do better. So, for the next three weeks I am supposed to: 1) Put Ryley on the toilet for 5 – 10 minutes every hour; 2) limit fluids an hour before bed but not at all during the day; 3) re-institute a reward system with one-on-one time with Mommy as the reward and 4) spend 15 minutes a day with each of my three children, one on one, playing whatever he/she wants to play. We go back in three weeks to see if these have had any effect.
As for the last two of those……the guilt set in when they were brought up. She made a comment, not meanly, about having three children so close together in age. We did not decide to have Grace a mere 12 months after Ryley was born, but we did decide to have Ethan when Grace and Ryley were just 2 1/2 and 3 1/2. The doc said maybe Ryley is doing this as a bid to grab attention. I did start potty training him just before he turned 3, and right after we found out I was pregnant with Ethan. Was I wrong to want my children close in age? Did having a baby at a crucial point in Ryley’s development cause him to regress so permanently in his potty training? Do I not give enough attention to my children that Ryley feels he has to do something this drastic to get my attention?
I’m pretty sure she didn’t say that to MAKE me feel this way. I know that we often take our own insecurities and apply them to innocent words, hurting ourselves in the process. I feel bad enough and guilty enough and inadequate enough over this entire problem. Now I’m questioning my decisions on when I had my children (which I obviously can’t change) as well as my mothering skills and whether I pay enough attention to each of my children. AAAAHHHH!!!!!
So, no, we didn’t get any real answers today. As usual, we got more questions and things to “try” and then go back to report on progress, or the lack of it. Am I frustrated? YES!!! One of the biggest problems I’m having is the lack of support in this from my husband. I love him dearly, and he is a wonderful father and husband, but for him (and I know we’ve discussed this before) Ryley’s “prematurity” ended when we left the NICU. He thinks I am making a big deal out of this for no reason. He said he was afraid I was going to make Ryley “think he is crazy” by taking him to the psych and talking about this so much. I don’t think Ryley is crazy. But something is going on, and I don’t know what it is, and I need to figure out what it is or at least how I can best/better handle it. AND if Ryley’s pediatrician thinks it’s enough of a problem to refer him to a psych, then isn’t it *something* I should be concerned about and following up on?
Sorry to vent. It’s been a very hectic, eventful, and frustrating couple of days. So now, we try – again – and we wait and see.