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Declared "normal"

We had our follow-up psych appt this afternoon for Ryley and his never-ending potty issues. Have things improved? Yes, a little bit. But then, this is fairly typical for Ryley. I hate to sound negative, hate to be negative, but I know his pattern. He has been like this pretty much since we started potty training…..he’ll do well for up to two months and I’ll start to let my guard down and then we have a complete collapse again. The only difference is that this time, he seems to want it. I’m hoping that going to the psych has had some effect on him. I want to have hope. I think I have a little hope, but I’m afraid to have hope.

But, he was declared “normal”. All his behavior is “normal” for his age and gender. There is that word…..normal. It’s the word we all hope for from the minute our tiny miracles are born. Some of them get there, some of them create their own “normal”. I still wonder how different he would be had he remained where he belonged to full-term, but wondering doesn’t really do any good, or change what is. The doctor did seem to think that maybe this is just one of his leftover issues, and agreed that “catching up” for micro-preemies doesn’t happen at 2, doesn’t even really completely happen at 3. Instead, as with full-term, healthy children, they each have their own timeline for “catching up” and that this may just be his area in which he needs some extra time.

I’ve said it before….Ryley is amazing unaffected by his prematurity. His eyes are perfect, his hearing is fine, his size is pretty good (just skinny), etc. So he has asthma. It’s even described as “mild asthma” and this is expected to be his last year on the everyday meds. So is this issue the lone holdout? Maybe. I don’t know how that makes me feel. Sometimes, I think I wish it were a physical issue so I could “blame” it on something. But then I wouldn’t wish that on him. That’s when I would rather it be something behavioral that we can work on and correct. So frustrating though. And so hard to take sometimes, especially when he does backslide and regress, especially when he’s changing his clothes for the fourth time in one day, especially when I think about what MIGHT happen should he have an accident at school. Why can’t parenting be a little easier sometimes?

The doc did make me feel better about some things. She did say that he is well-behaved, and polite when he should be, and that we are handling behavioral issues in a good way. I had to laugh…she recognized right off that he is “strong-willed.” That just cracked me up. She doesn’t know the half of it on that. The fact that Michael and I can both be pretty stubborn and “strong-willed” means that we can get into battles of will with Ryley frequently, but I don’t wish he were any other way. I firmly believe that his strong will is part of what enabled him to survive his journey.

7 thoughts on “Declared "normal"

  1. Donna: I am so so so HAPPY to hear that Ryley is doing well. That must feel awesome for you as well as for your family. I am so sure that Ryley is going to do great and I also believe that he is a miracle, a survivor & I hope I get to hear all about it Donna. Please take care. Love Alex’s mom My Vanilla Puddin’ Alexander

  2. I am excited to hear that Ryley is doing so good. I hope the potty training issue is well on its way to being resolved. Go Ryley Go! Crystal

  3. I’m glad Ryley has been so unaffected after starting his life so premature. I’m sure the potty thing will resolve. Take care.

  4. Donna- It is great to hear that Ryley is doing well right now- and maybe b/c he wants it this time, he will put his mind to it and do it! Ahh- “normal”- I think all PoP have a love/hate relationship with that word. Don’t you? Stacey

  5. Well, all in all normal is certainly better than abnormal in a thousand ways. But still… I hear ya. I just read your last blog. WOW on the teeth! We still have no loose teeth here. Gavin, who keeps telling everyone he’ll be 7 on his next birthday, has not even one wiggly one. Woe is he. Congrats to Ryley on the potty progress (hope it sticks) and of course the grown up teeth. Darcy

  6. YIPPEE!!! I’m so happy for you. I know this has been a long battle.. but hang in there.. he’ll get there. That little “fiesty fighter” in him.. just makes this one much more in his control!! Sorry I missed the Tooth Fairy blog!! How’d that happen?? I don’t know! What fun.. Love and Hugs!
    Karri Glad you’re back!!

  7. Donna, Normal is good, isn’t it? That word is so blah for me especially since I work with both general and special ed, at-risk, ADHD/ADD, Dyslexic students. I’m not sure where normal starts or ends or where or when one becomes abnormal. Sorry, I got off on that tangent. I’m glad to hear that Ryley is continuing to do well. It’s great to know that prematurity doesn’t have a hold on him. ~Jaclyn~

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