I am having one of those days. Where is the parenting manual? I’m at a loss here.
We’ve had a decent couple of weeks with E. He’s been good at school. The anger outbursts have come less frequently. The frustration levels are manageable for the most part. I could quickly talk myself into believing he is just a pain in the butt who needs to be better-managed from the parenting end. Today, he is smiling and talkative. Have I made a bigger deal than there is?
When I think big-picture-Ethan, I know not. There isn’t one big part, but there are lots of little parts that add up. I’m just feeling defeated. I don’t know where to go next. Riding it out would be the easy road. Going to battle – much more difficult and daunting, especially when you’re feeling the lack of energy needed to face the battle.
Why are the answers so hard to find? Why do I feel like I’m searching in the dark? It shouldn’t be this hard to get my son the help he clearly needs. There should be a lit path parents are put on when their child gets this diagnosis. Or you should get a guide to lead you along the way. I feel as lost as I did when Ryley came home from the NICU. I know I’m not alone, but right now, I feel desperately that I need someone to hold my hand and pull me through this, walk with me step-by-step.
I know I need to become *that* parent. I have to do this for him. Today, I am drained and questioning myself, questioning the doctors, questioning the diagnosis. He deserves more than that from me. So where do I go now? What do I do now? I’m in need of a lifeline.