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Queen Bees

I don’t know why I thought I had more time before having to deal with Queen Bees and cliques with Grace.  She is  only in fourth grade. But the drama has come on with a vengeance this year. Poor girl had no idea what hit her. And it breaks my heart.  I believe she’s finally settled in with a couple of really good friends and that is helping, but it was a rough Fall for her.

Why are girls like that? Why so competitive? Why does there have to be so much back-stabbing, so many situations of putting someone down? G has a couple of Queen Bees in her class.  One day, she’s their friend, the next day they’re going out of their way to exclude her.  Now Grace can have her moments, especially at home, of being a little bossy and slightly snotty, but at school she is so unassuming.  When someone says they’re her friend, she believes it. She expects them to treat her the way she treats them. Ugh. It  has not been so this year. They “stole”  her best friend from her (for a while).  They made fun of her on the playground. They excluded her from games.  They talked about her behind her back. They started rumors about her (I wish I were kidding….fourth graders starting rumors about fourth graders – good grief).  And she was not their only target.  Luckily, my girl is strong enough to stand up for herself and her friends.  She has way may self-confidence than I did at her age, but even that has come under attack this year.

I had a conversation with her a couple of weeks back about “Queen Bees”.  I told her it isn’t worth it in the long run to try to be in this little clique nor be friends with the Queen. That clique will eventually self-destruct. It  may take years, but it will happen. You can’t continually treat people that way and expect to keep friends for any extended period of time. I told Grace to make a few really good friends, have their back and let them have hers, and hang in. She seems to be doing just that. But I see the bewildered look on her face sometimes, and it kills me.  I would have saved her from this if I could. I didn’t expect to have to talk about this with her for at least another couple of years.  Sigh…..

I just want my baby girl to be happy, not tormented. There have been times I wanted to walk into that school and tell the Queens they aren’t all they’re cracked up to be and to just stuff it.  How dare they  hurt my little girl? How dare they make her feel any less than she is.  I know it’s part of growing up, but why does it have to be? It’s not that I want my daughter to be one of the Queen Bees, but does she have to be tormented by them? Grace has gotten very good at rising above it, and walking away from the drama. For that, I am very thankful. I just picture the next 8  years hearing about these girls and I get frustrated. Granted, if it weren’t these particular girls, it would be others. That just seems to be the way life goes. Thankfully, Grace is still at an age where she will listen to me and take advice. And if anyone else has any suggestions, I’m  listening.   And Queen Bees, listen up….Leave my baby girl alone. She’s a lot tougher than she looks and she will stand up for herself!

One thought on “Queen Bees

  1. Oh Donna, this is so tough! Alyssa experienced her first Queen Bee when she was just four years old in day care. It amazed me that a five year old could be such a bitch. I know, I shouldn’t say that but it’s true. She was horrible. I was glad she was a year older so Alyssa wouldn’t have to be in the same class with her.

    You’re raising a strong, smart, kind daughter who knows her mom is there for her. I think that’s all we can do to prepare our girls for a world where women compete in everything. It’s sad but true.

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