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Thinking of Alice

One of my book clubs just finished reading and discussing What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty (highly recommend the book, by the way). I had actually read the book last Fall and was so happy when it was selected by book club. If you haven’t read it, the gist of the story is this: Alice falls off her exercise bike and smacks her head. When she wakes up, she believes it is ten years earlier, she is a relative newlywed, and pregnant with her first child. She has no memory of the ten years, doesn’t know she actually has three children and is involved in a contentious divorce from her husband. Wowza, right? Read it.

As I read the book, I saw and felt myself in Alice. Time flies by so quickly, especially once you have children. I know that I’ve had a few times when I seemed to come out of a cloud to look around and wonder where I was, who I was, and who this man beside me really is anymore. I can honestly say that I’m so not the person I expected myself to be way back when. That’s not to say I’m a failure or a horrible person. I’m just not where or what I expected I would be.  Life happens. We become. We are becoming. Sometimes that process can pull us away from our loved ones, spouses and family members. We lose sight of why we love them. We forget what we saw in that person in the beginning. We forget how they made us feel and how that pulled us to them. I know that has happened with me and M. This book made me wake up and look at him now, appreciate who we both are now, and it made me look back to where we started, why we started.

I had a few serious relationships in my life prior to meeting M.  I’m so glad I did. They helped prepare me. They showed me what I wanted and needed, and what I really did not need or want.  M is certainly not perfect. But he’s good. He puts up with my crazy. He’s a fabulous Daddy to our three babies. He was a complete rock when we faced first infertility, then miscarriage, and then Ryley’s premature birth and NICU stay.  He’s been the voice of sanity and reason when I feel like I’m losing it. I don’t always like him a lot, but I do always love him. And I am so completely grateful for him.

He makes me laugh. He makes me smile. He makes me feel confident and beautiful, even in my least-beautiful moments. He helps me laugh at myself. He cooks dinner almost every Sunday night. He grills like a king. He is one of those get-down-on-the-floor-and-play kind of dads, which I adore (even when it gets totally loud and obnoxious right before bedtime). He supports my causes. He supports me.

The boyfriends I had before M never would have made it through all we’ve made it through together. We’ve had our moments….boy howdy. We argue and fight. But I would never quit. And I think I’ll read What Alice Forgot once every year or two just so I’m reminded to remember.

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