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You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

I had someone ask me recently if the stuff I write in my blog really happens, or if I make it up. Really? I couldn’t make this stuff up. I would never imagine any of it. If I were making my life up, it would be much more boring…static, ordered, neat.

I rescued my third lizard for the week from the cats. It hardly phases me anymore to have a lizard within two feet of my face. And I hate lizards. Yet I save them. In all honestly, I save them because I’d rather take the risk of one jumping off the dust pan onto my person than deal with cleaning up lizard guts.

I’ve almost reached the point of not wanting to vomit when I have to get a bird carcass out of the house and into the yard waste bin. Darn if our cats aren’t sneaky good hunters. Would they were slow, lazy kitties. They’ve even mastered catching hummingbirds. Why can’t they get the mocking bird who lives in the tree across the street?

I lost a second bowl for the week this morning. Livvy the labradoodle has separation anxiety and counter-surfs as soon as we pull out of the driveway. I  think I need to take up a donation fund for new dishes for our household.

The school nurse called at 2:07 this afternoon (23 minutes before school was getting out).  E-man was in her office for the second time this afternoon, stating he didn’t feel well. She said he deserves an Academy Award for his acting abilities. He is really good at making that little face look pathetic. She also said a dad sitting in the office gave her a mad-dog look when she sent E back to class, he’d done such a good job of playing it up. We are on day 7 of him having a substitute teacher. And since all curriculum is done, they are reading, playing games, doing worksheets and the like, for which E has NO patience.  He’s read five books in a week. Anyhow, when she called, I was just pulling into the school driveway to join the pick-up line. I parked, went into her office, and signed him out for the day. It was the better choice for everyone involved. The poor sub has reached her limit with my precious son. Lord knows I would have reached it before now myself. He’s been sideways at home for over two weeks now. I just keep telling him 2.5 more days, 3 more school wake-ups, and to please just hold it together….the end is near.

I was late everywhere I went today. I hate that. It makes me crazy and gives me that tight feeling in my stomach. And why is it when you’re running late, every driver you get behind cannot seem to find the gas pedal? It is days like this when I completely understand road rage. Added to this, we are getting ready to travel and have been booking rooms, rental cars, tours.  Apparently, our bank decided someone must have hold of my debit card, and flagged it, just as I was picking up Ry’s prescription. Fabulous. Already behind schedule, I had to take ten minutes out of my morning to call the Customer Service center, confirm all my charges (and attempts at  charges) so they would free up my card, and advise them of our travel dates and locations. Can’t they call you BEFORE they put a hold on your card?

And now as I sit here blogging, the printer is out of toner and I can’t print the permission slip for Ry to go ice skating with his buddy tomorrow afternoon. Ry is yelling at zombies (whatever video game he’s playing). I can’t get past level 65 of Candy Crush (3 DAYS ON THIS LEVEL!!), and Pandora keeps randomly changing songs. We still have ballet to get through too. I am so ready to sit in my recliner with a Cougar Town – sized glass of wine. Make this stuff up? Really?

4 thoughts on “You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

  1. Two days ago we had a live lizard on the living room rug. Today our cat Hunter came to the front door making strange noises. He had a not-quite-dead bird in his mouth and he was determined to bring it inside. No way. I watched a Netflix DVD that contained not one, not two, but three trigger subjects for me all at once. Any single one of them I could have handled, but no. All this is my way of saying, “High five! I’m a fiction writer, and I couldn’t get away with some of this on paper either!”

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