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Floundering

I am still feeling so lost as far as E-man goes. I’m floundering, and sure I am failing him in every way. We seem to finally be getting things back to his normal at home, but school…wow…school. His psychiatrist has upped the dosage on both his ADHD and his anxiety medications. We are trying desperately to bring him back to the level he thrived at last year. I am holding my breath and just praying this is the answer. We need an answer.

Two years ago, when he was first diagnosed, the spec ed admin at school didn’t want to give him an IEP evaluation. He was an academic rock star, and not a disruption to his or any of his classmates’ education. Last year, we pushed, got a partial evaluation, and he was admitted to special ed on the speech side, since his social pragmatics are so far off the mark. He sees the speech therapist once a week, and the social worker intern once a week, in addition to private one-on-one therapy.

This year, all the reasons that were given two years ago, and reiterated last year, have presented themselves. He is a disruption in the classroom. He is a disruption to his own education. His grades are falling off (because even when he is in the classroom, he’s an unfocused, emotional, distressed disaster). Every fear I had is coming to fruition. In a way, I’m glad he’s proving me right. But I ache for this poor boy. He needs help. And I fear I am not getting him what he needs.

There is talk of a 504 in addition to his IEP. I’m confused. Can’t we just add to and/or adjust his IEP? Can I push for the balance of the IEP evaluation? If I’m thinking pie-in-the-sky for what I want for him, we would add occupational therapy, physical therapy, and time in the special ed classroom. Yes, he’s gone that far sideways. He won’t eat at the lunch tables because it’s too loud. He refuses to learn how to ride a bike without training wheels. Since repeatedly falling off his new electric scooter, he refuses to ride it again. I’m worried about his large motor skills. In short, I am freaking out. Kids are starting to notice he’s different. He’s aware he’s different. I can’t drop him off at school in the morning and know we’re going to get through the day without me getting a phone call and/or him having a meltdown or choosing not to do an activity.

I’m failing him, and I don’t know how to fix it. I need a manual. I need a director. I need help for my baby. His therapist has mentioned, numerous times now, pulling him and putting him in a school with help for him, and a much smaller classroom. I can’t make myself do it. He craves normality. Pulling him would just reinforce his differences, and he would then own it. Is that twisted logic? My thinking is to battle through this year and next, get him what help we can where we currently go, and then switch for middle school. There is an excellent middle school in the next town that is right up his alley. The only issue being they take in students strictly by lottery. Sigh.

When you have a preemie, you are surrounded by doctors and nurses, machines and monitors. At all times, they tell you what to do, and how your child is doing. When you have an autistic child, you don’t get that. I want that. I want someone to tell me specifically how to do this. I need someone to point me in the right direction. Because I’m failing him at the moment. I know that, and it’s breaking my heart.

2 thoughts on “Floundering

  1. Please forgive me if I’m preaching to the choir…but you know ADHD meds and anxiety can work against each other, right? We have been doing a lot better since we took The Challenging Ones off of his ADHD meds. Looking back, I’m not even sure he had it, although he certainly tested for it. I think it was his anxiety all along. How can you concentrate on learning when it takes every ounce of concentration to keep your anxiety from exploding out all over the place? Throw in some OCD, and the poor kid didn’t have a chance. Anyway, not trying to be pushy, just wanted to mention in case it had never come up with your doctors.

    • Sorry for not responding sooner. And no worries….we’re definitely looking for answers. He is truly ADHD (combined type) so we struggle to balance the ADHD meds and anxiety levels. It’s brutal knowing he needs the one and knowing what it will do to his anxiety. I think we’ve found a good point for now.

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