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Taper Week

I am discovering that as much of a love/hate relationship I have with running do I have the same with taper week. For you  non-runners, the week before a race, you taper your runs/activity to rest your legs and body in preparation for hauling yourself through 13.1 miles of running. I did one short run Wednesday morning, and walked a couple of miles yesterday. Today and tomorrow, I will just do some gentle stretching and use my foam roller, but other than that, will just rest.

I feel  like a lazy slug. After weeks of training, not running makes me lethargic. It also gives me time to think. That’s not necessarily a good thing. Since the field trip debacle of Wednesday, Little Man is struggling a little bit. He’s either doing amazingly well, or he’s totally falling apart. There’s no in-between at the moment. He had mild tantrums last night and this morning. He’s normally pretty easy and happy on Fridays. That wasn’t the case this morning. He stomped around his room after his bath, frustrated with finding sweatpants to wear. He stomped down the stairs because it was later than he wanted it to be. He started to cry because he thought his brother took his french toast sticks out of the toaster. He banged the cabinet door because he couldn’t find a plate he liked. He was quiet and sullen in the car on the way to school. And since I’m not running today, my brain doesn’t have the outlet to work it out before my heart just starts hurting.

He will be fine. I know he will be fine. But every time he has a bad day, or throws a tantrum, or cries it breaks my heart. Right now, I’m tired. I know the big picture is there and it’s amazing, but all I can see in this moment is the struggle and the battle. I’m not trying to make him fit a “normal” mold. I don’t want to change him. I want so desperately to help him. When I can’t help him, when I can’t help  myself be okay, I want to bury my head, escape from the world, and just cry.

So, taper week…not so much my friend right now. I’ll appreciate it come Sunday morning. I know its purpose. It just isn’t helping me deal with life right now.

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