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By a Thin Thread

We’re hanging by a thin thread around here these days. i have no idea what I’m doing. I have no idea what to do. I can’t figure out what the heck is going on with my Little Man. We got another call from the social worker this afternoon. Same thing had happened as Friday afternoon. I signed the same form again, and signed him out. He has an appointment with his psych on Thursday (yes, the same one, for now). We have pulled him from school for the remainder of the week.

I’m lost here. I truly don’t think he really means it. He has no “plan”, just a desire to have his days not be so hard. I think what it comes down to is he doesn’t want to go to school. We’ve already made it clear we will not home school. He is already codependent. Keeping him home would only encourage that. Where’s the line between therapeutic learning to manage in the world, and keeping him in a good place? I really want someone to tell me. I can’t and won’t isolate him. That would spell disaster for both of us. I’m already panicking at the thought of keeping him with me the next four days.

Friday I cried. Today, I just marched in there, signed the paper, got my child, talked briefly with his SAI, while mentally running through the maze of possible plans of action.

This. Sucks. And this could be classified under the category, “What They Don’t Tell you About  Autism”.  I’m on a roller coaster rivaled only by that of the NICU.  I thought, once we were done with prematurity, we had been through the worst parenting could throw at us. Um, yeah, no, apparently not. I feel like I’m living in a high state of disaster readiness, expecting chaos at any time. It’s hard to maintain that, and continually be on guard to react. Add to that, still trying to live regular life….two other kids’ schedules and needs, training for a half marathon, the usual home-keeping responsibilities, friendships, and just plain sleep. Someone please stop this ride. I wanna get off.

8 thoughts on “By a Thin Thread

  1. So wish I had the rights words to offer you😞 I can share that we have been in that same place and know that whatever you decide to do it will get better… it has too! It is so hard to keep everything in some kind of balance, sending you positive energy and hope!

  2. Other than Public School for Ethan (square peg in round hole) and not Homeschooling, are there other options for education in a safe environment for him. Maybe somewhere he might not feel so “different”??

  3. Just know that unlike the NICU I’m here for each step. I wish I had the answers to where this journey is taking us. One step at a time we will get through one together.

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