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Last Firsts

I have been strangely silent this summer. We have just been so dang busy. The days and weeks have flown by entirely too quickly. There have been words floating around my head…..lots and lots of words….threads of thoughts that could have been written down, probably should have been written down. I didn’t seem to have the strength or energy to take the time to flush them out.

In five days, the Herd will go back to school. We have been frantically running around town, school shopping. While I would really love to live in denial awhile longer, facts must be faced, clothes tried on and purchased, paper and pencils corralled, new backpacks stuffed and ready for Tuesday. I have filled out the requisite Middle School paperwork and written checks for PTO and yearbooks for the older two. The medication forms have been completed and picked up from the pediatrician’s office. The Princess has her schedule. Big Man will complete his EIGHT GRADE (!!!!!!) registration tomorrow, then we are off to Palm Springs for some much-needed, insular, just-us family time. This is the first year ever I have not been mentally and emotionally ready for school to start. Normally by this time, I am so ready to have my house back to myself during the day, ready for the return to routine, ready for my kiddos to go learn and be with their friends. This year, I”m dreading the quiet an empty house will bring. I’m dreading the potential for another year like last year for Little Man. I don’t want them to go. I want more summer.

I’m struggling here. Tuesday will be the first of our last firsts. Our last first day of school at our elementary school – I can’t even think about it without tears forming. This is the school that saw all three of my babies go from littles to bigs. This is the school that saw so much change, the place that introduced us to the educational process, to PTA, to parent/teacher conferences and report cards, to IEP’s and 504 plans, to book fairs and family nights, to teachers and staff who truly care about the children and who become friends as well as partners in bringing up my babies, to field trips and class parties.

This will be our ninth and final year at our school. I can’t imagine walking out those gates for the final time come June. I can’t. I simply can’t.  That alone makes me dread Tuesday even more. The first of the last firsts means the last of the last firsts will come quickly. I know how the year will fly by, and then we will be done with elementary school. I don’t want to start, because that means the end will be coming.

On top of all this, Big Man is starting 8th grade. I have no idea how that is possible. I am quite sure he was just starting kindergarten. I remember that day so clearly. And he still seems too small, too young for me to even think about him going to high school next year.

I’m an emotional wreck. I’m fairly sure I will remain in that state all the school  year long, especially as each of those lasts comes up. Bear with me…..and prepare for lots of tearful posts over the next ten months.

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