Home » Autism » Oh, the anger

Oh, the anger

I don’t know how it happened. I don’t know where it came from. We seem, lately, to be dealing with a lot of anger and downright rudeness from Little Man. Did we get lax in our parenting of him? Has he regressed? Is he in a new phase? Whatever it is, I’m not a fan.

Every response to a request is generally one of anger. And then if you correct him, he will rudely interrupt and yell out, “I know!” which gets me even more fired up. I will admit, I’ve lost it a couple of times in the last few weeks, and yelled back. Logically, I know it doesn’t solve anything, but darn does it feel good to just let it fly when you’ve been holding it back so long. We’ve talked with him when he’s calm. We’ve made him aware what he’s doing is inappropriate. We’ve disciplined, taking things away, adding chores, removing him from the room, none of which seems to be helping much.

We are six weeks into the school year, give or take. He’s settled in as well as he’s going to, and yes, he is having a much better year, at least from all reports I’ve received thus far. But the anger, oh, the anger….he just seems to be mad at the world all of the time. It seems he is only happy when he has the iPad, his iPod, or his DS in his face and everyone is leaving him entirely alone.

I never know  what I’m going to get when I tell him to finish something, clean up after himself, do one of his chores, or attend to a conversation. He could be perfectly fine, or he could respond with the fabulous anger and rudeness. It makes me a little hesitant, but I refuse to cave. He is old enough and capable enough to contribute to the chores of the house, and pick up after himself. And I refuse to cave to letting him just stare at that screen for hours and hours on end. He is different, yes. He is autistic, I get it. But as another autistic mom states often, we must presume competence. And he is fully competent in this regard.

There are days I just look at him in bafflement. How can my sweet boy, the one who hauls around a giant stuffed shark, the one who almost-nightly crawls into my bed and snuggles close, the one who will grab my hand when he’s sitting next to me, how can he turn into such an angry, mean, rude person in an instant?

We have decided to just continue with what we’ve been doing…..point out his rudeness in the moment, make sure nothing else is wrong, and talk with him when he’s calm. If you ASD parents have any other suggestions/ideas, I’m totally open, because I’m so over the anger.

4 thoughts on “Oh, the anger

  1. I swear he and Rachel were cut from the same cloth. He’s slightly ahead of the curve maturation wise and she’s behind that curve. That lands them hitting the same milestones about 6-9 months apart with her leading the way.
    Keep up with the consistency of not accepting the rudeness and trying to squash and understand the anger. Dare I say Rachel has turned the corner and has learned to curtail the rudeness when she’s especially grumpy. I’ll add to that she’s seemingly less angry at the world. Maybe it’s a puberty thing??
    And I know exactly what you mean about it feeling good when you let it fly at times. Sometimes a good scream feels good.

  2. I have to consistently stay on top of my guy on this very same thing. I do think part of it is hormones and growth throwing everything out of wack. I will say that if your little man is on any medications to let your physician know about his increased anger.

    Some meds that are prescribed to even out moods and especially those indicated for attention deficit and antidepressants can cause the opposite effect than what is intended. It may require the the physician change the medication.

    I actually experienced this first hand with a family member and once the med was switched the anger decreased tremendously. I find in the patients I come in contact with that this seems to happen with increasing frequency.

    I hope that helps. Keep up with the discipline and consequences for poor behavior. If he has an outlets such as art or something else where he can express his frustration definitely encourage it.

    I know it is difficult but this phase will a pass. Hang in there in the meantime.

    • Thank you! I’ve definitely thought the meds (one or the other) may be having an effect. We’ve seen the behavior before but it’s just so hard to know.

      • Always go with your gut instinct. They call it the practice of medicine because that is exactly what they are doing, practising until they get it right.

        I fill meds for many kinds on the spectrum. Very few get the right combination of meds that works effectively with the fewest side effects the first go round. It usually takes many tweaks to find what works best for each kid. If your physician isn’t willing to listen to you and modify drug therapy as needed find another physician! I hope everything calms down soon!

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s