Little Man has a new friend in his class at school. They’ve bonded over video games, and their favorite Gaming YouTube-ers. Last week, they started Face Timing on their iPods. Cute, right? They’re 10. This led to Little Man asking his new friend to come with him to the movies yesterday (Spouse was taking the boys to see the new Hobbit movie). We were very excited. Little Man doesn’t have many friends, and doesn’t make friends easily. He is a bit prickly after all. Most kids won’t put up with his outbursts, his lashing out, his meltdowns, or quirks. When A was dropped off, I went out to meet his mom, chat for a minute, and exchange phone numbers.
The day went well. A hung out for a couple hours after the movie. He was polite. The boys got along really well. Little Man was happy all day. When A’s mom picked him up, we talked about getting the boys together, possibly at their house, later this week. I hit pause in my brain for a minute…Does she know he has issues? Does she know he’s autistic? Can she see he’s different? I let it go for the moment. But it’s been rolling around my brain ever since. How much do I share, or do I share? Do I let him go hang out at their house and just see what happens without telling her anything? Is that fair to her? Is that fair to my son? Should I prepare her? He was perfectly fine, if a bit energetic yesterday. But will that hold if he goes to A’s house? What happens if he has a meltdown? What happens if he loses it? Is it fair to unload that potential on someone without giving them warning?
I think part of my worry is letting go control. I can manage things when I’m there. I can’t manage things if I’m not there. And because he has so few friends, we like to keep the ones he does have. But I don’t want to make an issue out of something that may not even happen. He may go there and be perfectly fine. I could, right now, kind of go either way. I could let it play out, and only discuss it if he has any issues. Or I could just say hey, he’s autistic and this is what you might see. It’s just one of those things that don’t immediately come to mind when your kid is diagnosed….how are you going to handle “normal” social situations as your kid grows up.