I’m feeling rather frustrated with myself, negative with the world, somewhat angry at life in general lately. I’m not happy about it, trust me. I’d much rather be Polly Positive than the Debbie Downer I feel I’ve become over the past weeks. I had every intention of making 2015 a great year. But I let negative emotions and feelings creep in right from the very beginning, and make themselves at home. Those negative thoughts have solidly taken over.
I listened to myself today. I didn’t like one thought that came to mind, much less most of the words I let escape from my mouth. When your outlook is negative, it’s very easy to find the negative in everything. It feels everyone is against you, nothing will go the way you feel you deserve, much less want it to go. When you’re late leaving the house, and the car in front of you on a two-lane road is going five miles under the speed limit, you’re pretty sure it’s intentional. When you are out on your walk, wishing you could run, and feel the strong desire to trip every runner you see just out of pure jealously (maybe consider a walking partner until you’re talked down from your current ledge). When the dishes are loaded into the dishwasher the “wrong way”, and all you can do is sigh, maybe slam a couple of cabinet doors, you may need to take a look at everything else going on in your world. When you go to turn your computer on to get the blog written, and it won’t even boot up, then you wait 6 days to a) get the verdict; b) buy and deliver an external hard-drive to transfer all your data; and c) get a new-to-you computer which then won’t let you log on, you might feel the technical world is conspiring against you, may take it personally.
This is where I am. Realizing I’m in this place is step one to getting back to my life – the one I want, not the one I’m living. I’ve let other people, situations, circumstances out of my control take over. I’m done here. First task – learn once again to seek and see the positive, and let the negative thoughts that jump up be pushed out of my head. I don’t want to be this me. She isn’t very nice. She’s stressed out, pretty angry, very sad. She doesn’t seem to believe in herself much. She is so mean to herself all the time. So I’m taking a mulligan. This is a new day (new hour, new minute….). January 1st doesn’t need to be the only day you can start fresh. Happy 2015. Moving on.