I took the Princess to see the second Divergent movie – Insurgent – Friday evening. I’d promised long ago I’d take her the day it opened. She read all the books last year, whizzing through them, which is new for her. She loved the series and had been anxiously awaiting the opening. I personally have not read the books.
Somewhere in the movie, Tris – the main character – is going through simulations. In one part, her mother who is dead appears. Tris carries a lot of guilt for her parents’ deaths. She cries that if she weren’t different (divergent), no one would have gotten hurt, she doesn’t want to be different anymore. My momma heart took it deeply. In the context of our lives, those words could have been Little Man’s. I started to cry. The Princess looked at me like I’d lost my mind, but I couldn’t help he. He has said those very words to me before, “I don’t wan to be different anymore.”
I watched the rest of the movie in that frame of reference – that of the mom to an autistic child. They way divergents were treated, excluded, looked upon as strange and something to be feared….it hit me so hard. I won’t give away the ending, but there were more tears, let’s just leave it at that.
As soon as I walked out of the movie, I texted my BFF, whom is also an autism mom. I told her what had happened, what had gone on in the movie and asked for some vindication. I got it. She saw the movie later that weekend and took it the same way. So I’m not losing my mind completely.
I guess in the way Big Man’s prematurity has changed me and the way I see things, Little Man’s autism has also changed me, changed my perceptions. I don’t know what the author of the books was trying to portray with the divergents. The group could represent so many groups, anyone who is “different.” I happened to go this way with it. The movie, these thoughts have haunted me all weekend.