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A letter to my children – Please don’t try to be whom you think I want you to be

My dear sweet babies –

You’re good enough for me. I love you as you are – quirks, noises, procrastinations, sizes, messes, strengths, weaknesses, fights, arguments, snarkiness and all. I love YOU! Please don’t try to live up to whatever standard you think I have for you, whatever expectations you expect I have for you. Please don’t try to be perfect. You’ll end up not liking me much, and liking yourself even less.

Don’t be afraid to fail. In fact, I hope you fail sometimes. I also hope you learn to recover from failing. Maybe if you learn to fail and recover from failure, you won’t let fear of failure hold you back from chasing your dreams. And don’t be afraid of being wrong. It keeps you humble, and helps you realize how much you don’t know. It also helps you appreciate the knowledge and skills of those around you.

Don’t try to be whom you think I want you to be. Please just be you. I love the person each of you is becoming. It is a gift to watch you grow and discover. I love that you’re all different from me, no matter the similarities we may have. I don’t want you to be exactly like me nor your dad. Be you. You’re interesting.

Growing up, I never felt good enough. I didn’t feel what I did was acknowledged. I didn’t feel who I was deserved to be loved. That made a huge impact on me, to this day. I hate believing I’ve displeased someone in any way, that I haven’t lived up to expectations, including my own. I don’t ever want you to feel that way. I know there are times I come down on you, I see that look on your face, the one wondering why you aren’t good enough for me just the way you are. I’m so sorry I’ve ever made you feel that way. I will try my best to keep that look from your eyes.

You are good enough. You’re good enough when you forget to put your dirty clothes in the hamper and leave them on your floor. You are good enough when you leave your dishes in the sink. You are good enough when Legos are all over the family room floor. You are good enough when you leave a project until the night before it’s due. You are good enough when you forget to bring your PE clothes, book, or lunch box home from school. You are good enough when I have to make a special trip to the store for your favorite snack we’ve run out of, supplies for your project, new pointe shoes, or hot chocolate. You are good enough when you’d rather sit next to me with your headphones on than have a conversation with me. You are good enough when you drop your stuff in the middle of the floor and leave it there. You are good enough when it’s 10:30 at night and you’re still awake. You are good enough when you’re punching me in your sleep at 3:30am.  You’re good enough when you want one more hug, one more snack, one more drink of water before bedtime. You’re good enough when you ignore me for the video game you’d rather be player. You’re good enough when your report card isn’t “perfect”.  You are good enough when you make a mistake during your dance performance.

You are good enough. I love you. Go be you, not whom you think I want you to be.

Love,

Momma

4 thoughts on “A letter to my children – Please don’t try to be whom you think I want you to be

    • Thank you!! Trust me, I struggle with wanting them to be what/who I want them to be, and not wanting them to feel they’re not good enough. They’re happiness and self-worth always win.

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