Sooooooo, Big Man has social media access now. One of our rules is that he must be “friends” with us, and he can’t block us from any of his posts. Guess what? That goes both ways. He can see our stuff. Guess what again? My blog links not only to the Herd FB page (of which he is not a member) as well as my personal page (so family can follow without having to “like” yet another page), which in turn means he now sees all my blog posts. Not a bad thing. They’ve been allowed to look whenever they asked. And as they got older, I generally asked before blabbing their lives from my perspective. Suffice it to say, he’s now reading my blog.
It’s an odd thing, to give one of your children a window into your mommy mind. He’s reading his life from my point of view. It opens up conversation, good and bad.
He came to me the other day and said, “You don’t write about me much, do you?” Hmph. Well, yeah, not really much lately. I explained I blog about what’s going on in my life, and much of that lately revolves around Little Man. I used to write about Big Man a lot, back when he still had so much unresolved from his premature birth, wayyyyyyyy back when. He’s had his stuff, and he always gets a birthday and Christmas post, but he’s pretty settled. He’s (blessedly) a typical, healthy teenage boy. Amen! I don’t think he made it as far back as last week reading my posts, or maybe he missed the one about him and his transition to high school. I digress (sense a pattern here?)
I could tell him it’s a good thing I don’t write about him much lately. But it made me kind of sad too. One of my biggest concerns in raising a child with special needs is how it affects his siblings. Do they get pushed back, put on a shelf, shoved aside, ignored? In my mind, they don’t. But in their reality, it’s very possible that’s how they see things. I know this has been a big struggle for the Princess the last few months. It is hard for them. I know it’s hard for them. I know much of my focus is frequently taken up with Little Man’s issues. I see the faces of Big Man and the Princess when we have to leave somewhere earlier than expected, or skip something entirely because it’s too much for him. I see their faces when Little Man is lashing out and I’m trying to manage him. They see the look on my face when it’s a bad morning with Little Man. I’m trying desperately to balance. Sometimes, most times, I fail.
No, I don’t write about him much. Does that make him any less amazing, any less important, any less a part of me? Nope, not one single bit. And I really hope, Big Man, that in reading this, you don’t set out to give me cause to write about you more. 😉