I am a perfectionist. I have been as long as I can remember. And I’m not patient with myself. Throw a little OCD in there (self-diagnosed…lol), and there ya go. That’s me.
So, I started that new job two-plus weeks ago. I officially took over last week. I did train with the last person to hold the position and she has been a HUGE help. But it’s on me now. There’s a learning curve. It’s basically a new language for me. I do feel a tiny bit overwhelmed, a wee bit lost. I’m afraid there are balls up there I’m going to drop because I’m not completely aware of their existence.
I texted the Spouse yesterday and told him I suck. He laughed at me. I’ve made a few (that I’m aware of…I’m sure there are likely more I’m unaware of at this moment in time) simple, small mistakes, but mistakes nonetheless, this week. Stupid mistakes from trying to be ultra-efficient and moving quickly. They’re making me crazy. I’ve been beating myself up for two days. I am of the firm belief they’re going to see me as a totally incompetent lackwit.
But why is that? Why can I not give myself some grace? Why would I afford more allowance to my friends who have started new jobs, and not for myself? It’s weird working again. It’s all new all over again. There’s a lot to take in, new routines to develop, new systems to learn. That’s not going to happen overnight, and yet I won’t allow myself the grace of a little time to settle in and not be perfect right out of the gate.
I do need to remind myself to slow down. I’m so used to doing what I do quickly, but then, I know what I’m doing. I have this part down. With something new, I need to remember to take it more slowly, be efficient, but be thorough, ask for help when I need it. I put it on the white board above my computer until I get it through my thick head…”Give yourself grace.” I think it’s a good reminder for all of us.