Home » Autism » I get why they’re afraid

I get why they’re afraid

So, school, and Little Man….yeah……He’s pretty much status quo lately – good days, and not so good days, but way better than the beginning of the year. I do believe he’s up to some of his antics from the past though. He has them scared, I think.

His SAI emailed me yesterday. He had a LOT of math homework because he’d pulled himself out of class to go in the great room and work on his paper project. He can really be a master manipulator. But I get why they’re afraid. When he goes wheels off, crying, and showing that pathetically sad face, when he’s continually disrupted a classroom with his meltdowns, I get why they tend to let him have his way, even if just for a short period of time.

I may not have been overly nice in my response yesterday. I told her they need to push him, it’s okay to push him a bit. You have to know how to read him, but he can be pushed. You can tell him he doesn’t have a choice. He doesn’t always like it, but if you lay it out to him, and walk away without engaging as he’d prefer, he will generally come around. He might get upset a few times, he might cry a bit, it may mean a short-lived disruption, but it will be worth it in the end. But I get their concern. They have 31 other kids in that classroom to worry about.

At home, for a long time, we let him get away without doing many of the chores his siblings do. He just seemed so young, so immature. While not incapable, we just didn’t push. He can be a bit uncoordinated, and if he’s convinced he can’t do something, then he won’t. We decided to change our tune a few months ago. His name is on the same chores as Big Man and the Princess. We expect him to help around the house, clean up after himself, participate. Some days, it’s a complete battle. But he knows we aren’t going to let him off the hook. He’s capable. End of story. We’re  not always going to be there to clean up his room, put his shoes back in his bin, find his phone, clean his dishes, cook his meals. He must learn, just as he must learn to keep his little tush at his desk in the classroom, and get his work done. He won’t like it at first, but once he figures out they mean business, and he doesn’t have a choice, he will work it out. Set the expectation and don’t waver. If he sees you hesitate, he will jump all over it.

2 thoughts on “I get why they’re afraid

  1. I see my daughter’s little family going through this very thing with their middle child and my grandchild. It’s tough to watch. He’ in 4th grade now and was babied a little too much in the early years–I don’t judge them because none of us knew what was happening–but now they are being a bit tougher and especially when it comes to school. He has become a bit of a bully, using tears and meltdowns to get out of the difficult homework. The impact on the older child is maybe the hardest to watch. The middle guy steals a lot of thunder. The baby, a smart and funny 3rd grade girl has to vie for her time in the spotlight. It’s a delicate scenario but they are pulling it off fairly well. They are mostly happy and smart and healthy and that is because my daughter and SIL have studied and worked and been patient and persistent in the whole thing. I continue to be amazed by them, everyday. Godspeed to you and your Little Man. xx

    • Thank you. It isn’t an easy balance to achieve, and you do have to give the special needs child a voice they know is heard, for they are still communicating even if it be with tears and yelling. We have learned when we can push, when we should push, and when to back off and give him his time and space to decompress.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s