When I go through Big Man’s baby album, I realize what’s missing…..there are no photos of me pregnant with him. Not a single one. There are no week-by-week belly pictures. No pregnancy photos at all. That makes me sad.
When I started bleeding, I was 23 1/2 weeks pregnant. This was my first pregnancy. I’d just started wearing maternity clothes a week or two before. I barely had a baby bump. If you didn’t know I was pregnant, you may have just thought I’d skipped the workouts for a few weeks, and been eating more than my share of pizza recently. Spouse had only been able to feel him kick for a couple of weeks. I wouldn’t get much bigger the sixteen days I was in the hospital on bedrest, and by the time I went home after giving birth, my body was close to pre-pregnancy size, and I was already back to pre-pregnancy weight.
There’s so much we lost from having him so early. Belly photos are just one more thing to add to that list. In the grand scheme, it really shouldn’t be a big deal, but it tugs at my heart, and makes me cry if I think about it for more than a minute. There are so many things I will never have from that pregnancy and birth. I have him, yes. He’s here. He survived. He’s amazing. But there are things I don’t and won’t have. And that hurts.