Want to know what moms are good at? Borrowing trouble…we seem to excel at that skill, at least I do. When things are going good, we can’t help but have that little voice in the back of our minds saying, “Don’t enjoy this too much, or something will come along to take it away.” That’s where I am right now with the Princess.
At the risk of sounding like a braggart, she’s kind of amazing. She excels in her classes (the girl gets mad when she earns less than an A+ in any class). Her science fair project won her school and went on to the County Science Fair. A story she wrote last fall was submitted to the District and was given an award. Her teachers tend to gush about her. She was Clara in our studio’s Nutcracker production this past winter. She danced her way into 16th place of 76 dances in a recent competition. She made the cheerleading team yes, but also earned the Co-Captain position. She helps me out once a month in the nursery at church. She is a tough cookie with a good head on her shoulders.
Why does that freak me out? You’ve heard the phrase, “The bigger they are, the harder they fall”? Yeah, that. I’m terrified, not of what I know will happen, but of what I think could happen. One wrong influence, and my ambitious, hard-working, dedicated, smart, beautiful girl could head down the entirely wrong path, and all these accolades will be just memories, ghosts of what could have been.
I’ve seen it happen. Haven’t you? I’ve almost reached the point I want to shush people when they say good things about her. I’ve even downplayed some of her achievements (not in her hearing) because of this. I know it’s crazy, but it’s this niggling fear in the back of my mind, that the more amazing things she does, the more likely she is to fall, or that the very worst may happen and we may lose her. Just a little view into the insane corner of a mom’s mind.
I’m well aware she could just be one of those kids who goes on to become an amazing adult, this current state a mere glimpse into what she’s capable of. I just hear that little voice every time a teacher, friend, coach, or peer says how awesome she is. Yes, I know I’m cra-cra. I dare you to find a mom who isn’t a wee bit off center.