Home » About Me » Why I posted that picture

Why I posted that picture

As I’ve shared before, I’ve been struggling mightily with negative self-talk, self-image, and self-esteem probably more than any time since I was just out of college. There’s something about this 40+ age that throws the body into chaos. In spite of a regular, strenuous workout routine, and watching (most of the time) what I eat, not only is weight not coming off, it’s moved around, and keeps creeping up. It’s frustrating, defeating, intimidating. I’ve been working hard to a) overcome the negative thought process, reminding myself daily that I’m healthy and b) do what I can to maintain rather than focus on losing or gaining and c) keep a good attitude towards it all, especially when the Princess is around.

Yes, I ran a half marathon on Sunday. Do you know I still “felt fat” when I was done? I mentally chastised myself for my post-race lunch, once I’d eaten it, in spite of the fact I’d just burned about 1100 calories.

I’m particular about the pictures I post on social media of myself, and those others may post of me. Like most people, Β I want the most flattering pictures posted. But Sunday, I posted a photo of me and Big Man following our finish. I didn’t like the photo. I didn’t look my best – all sweaty and gross from just running 13.1 miles – and the angle wasn’t all that great. My hair was pulled back in a pony, with a headband. I’m not pretty or cute when I run – it’s all about function (although I did make sure to match my headband to my shirt and shoes). I looked at the photo before I put it up, and cringed. But I posted it anyways. I needed to post it, for myself, and because that moment was bigger than how I feel about myself.

I’d done something not everyone does – I’d trained for, and run, a half marathon. And I’d run it with my 15-year-old former 26-weeker. And I am a healthy person, darn it. I posted it to remind myself healthy doesn’t equal rail-thin or skinny. Healthy equals me taking care of me. Healthy is mental as well as physical.

I still fight the battles, almost every day. I try to push back against the thoughts of “If you eat this, then you have to do that,” or buying into extreme diets and exercise plans that focus on numbers rather than the whole person. I posted that photo to remind me I am okay. I don’t have to see a certain number on a scale to be a healthy mom/wife/woman. The moment that photo was taken wasn’t about me fighting an internal battle, it was about sharing something incredible with my son.Β Finishers

14 thoughts on “Why I posted that picture

  1. First, I think you look wonderful. That smile right there speaks volumes of how happy you were at that moment. It’s awesome to see.

    Secondly, as someone who also struggles with how he looks, who rarely shares pics of himself on social media unless its picture perfect and who absolutely runs away from cameras because they reveal parts of him he’d rather not see, I can understand reluctance to share the pic and the amount of courage it must have taken to. Thanks for sharing the pic and the story. You may have started out to reaffirm your decision to do so but you’ve also inspired this reader.

  2. I think you look amazing! I am my worst critic when it comes to pics. I always end up with a double chin. I have a crazy knack for tilting my head in just the right way to look a bit like Miss Piggy! You both look wonderful together. That is a keeper!

  3. I personally think you look amazing.
    Lots of people would be delighted to look as good as that on an average day, let alone after running all that way.
    Give yourself a break, you’re a pretty woman who raised a good looking family and you just completed a challenge many of us will never face; that in itself is worth feeling good about, use it to build your confidence on and never bring yourself down, you’re so much better than that.

    • I know all of this logically. It’s so much harder when those voices in my head are yelling louder than anyone else, you know? That’s why I posted it – for me, to be louder than those voices.

  4. Good for you!! The lie we have to be perfect 24/7 is so toxic. But that pic is priceless, you deserve to be very proud of the both of you! xoxoxoxo

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