We are five weeks into Little Man’s school year. I’m afraid to type this out loud, but it’s been quiet. Eerily quiet. I realized I’m not walking around with my phone in my hand, jumping every single time it rings or pings with an email. I’ve only had a few logistical emails from his SAI, one of those solicited by me when we were going to see his psychiatrist and I needed her feedback. One of my friends was asking me last Friday how his year is going. I had to think about it, and was surprised to hear myself saying he seems to be doing well, really well.
We’ve heard words like “improved self-regulation,” “an increase in problem-solving,” and “working well in group work.” Oh my gosh, people!! Did you read that? He’s still having some occasional anxiety at home, but he’s sleeping better, having fewer tantrums, not lashing out quite as much. He’s staying in class, and getting his work done.
It’s been almost eighteen months since we’ve been in *this* place, this good place. I can breath while he’s at school. I’m not stressing every second what may be going sideways in his day. This is good stuff. This is great stuff. This is amazing stuff. I’d forgotten what this place was like – dropping my baby off at school in the morning and completely going about my day without the constant worry he’s going to lose it, without the fear of what I’ll see/hear/face when I pick him up in the afternoon (or his carpool ride drops him off).
People promised me we would get back here. I didn’t really believe them. Last year was just so absolutely brutal most of the time. We both entered summer completely tapped out. I hoped this year, being back in the same school – now familiar, with familiar faces, routines, schedules- would make it easier on everyone. He’s been amazing. We still have stuff to work on. Ever mindful we have more to manage than just this year – we must prepare him for high school, for whatever comes after. That’s our job – to ready him to be out in the world. But for now, I’m going to breath, and enjoy this place we’re in, for as long as we’re in it.