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The Weight of it

I’m feeling heavy-hearted today. I had believed we were in a good place, that things were so much better. They are indeed better than last year, but they aren’t great. I’m feeling the weight of decisions made, decisions yet to come. It’s making me anxious and stressed. I’m trying to not panic until I hear directly from Little Man’s teachers at our parent/teacher conference next week, but I am in a state of overwhelmed once again.

Word has it he is still crying on a regular basis. I’m convinced he’s learned he gets the response he desires if he cries. It’s now a tool in his toolbox. There’s also indication he’s still frequently leaving the classroom, not engaging in learning activities, won’t read during reading time, and still pushes back in group work. He has trouble sticking to one project through completion – losing interest, or getting frustrated if it doesn’t work right away.

All I can think about is high school is just over a year-and-a-half away. When I imagine him at his current level on the high school campus, I want to throw up. I can’t picture him being successful in the classroom, can’t imagine him putting the effort in on homework, ect, can’t see him navigating the campus or school day without an instance of bullying. I’ve worked myself into a state over something that’s over a year away. But it’s coming, and we have to prepare him the best we can in the time between now and high school. That is what’s really freaking me out. There have been days I’ve wondered lately if we shouldn’t pull him back to the traditional middle school. It’s more like what he will see in high school. But then I know he is more successful, more protected in his current environment.

I have friends with kids like Little Man…..those kids have graduated college, one is currently student teaching. I KNOW Little Man can get there. But on days like today, I don’t know how he gets from here to there, and I can’t wrap my brain around what the next seven years are going to look like.

There are discussions to have, choices to make, research to be completed.  Above all, we have to do what’s best for him, for our family. And I need to try to keep calm, not let my anxiety get the best of me. More importantly, we just love him and continue to teach, care, guide, protect.

3 thoughts on “The Weight of it

  1. The school are going to have to start being more honest with you about little man’s behaviour and stop rewarding his negative actions by letting him act out. It may be easier for them to allow him to cry and ignore work or leave the classroom and ignore work but they are there to help him learn and must make the effort.
    Quite a bit of time has been wasted already with you thinking things were going well because you haven’t been told differently. That can’t be regained and mustn’t be allowed to happen if little man is to reach the point in his education that you want.
    xxx Massive Hugs xxx

    • Thanks David. Parent/Teacher conference is next Monday and you can bet we will be discussing all of this. Then again at his IEP meeting. I know their hearts are in the right place, but I need them to push him.
      Hugs right back!

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