When Spouse and I first met, I was the outgoing and social one, he was the quiet, introverted one. My friends and family were worried in the beginning he was too quiet. I knew it just took him time to warm up to people and open up. I’ve noticed in the past four or five years, we seemed to have traded places. I would consider myself more of the shy, reserved, quiet person I was growing up. Now he’s the one always putting stuff on our social calendar. He’s the one wanting to go, and do, and be with. I’m super content with quiet nights at home – maybe because I don’t get them very often. But I find myself forcing myself to be social, the same I used to do when I was in middle school and high school. And I will reach maximum capacity at some point in any given outing/event/party.
I don’t know when things started changing. If I were being honest, I might have to say it was when we moved from Northern California to Southern. I left everything behind – career, family, friends, church…all things familiar, comfortable, supportive, safe. I don’t regret our move one bit, other than I miss my family, miss my kids growing up close to their cousins. But our life here is way more than it would have been had we stayed where we were. I do think I lost all confidence after the move. Having to start over, find a new job/career, make all new friends, find my place in our new world…..that’s really hard on a person who is, behind it all, shy, insecure, unsure of herself.
So many of the old fears and insecurities have returned. I get anxious getting ready for a party where Spouse will be the only person I know well, while he will know almost everyone. I get anxiety walking into a social situation alone, even when I know everyone there.
I just find it odd that, over time, we’ve traded places. Has anything like that happened in your relationship?