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Weight For It

When you have a micro-preemie, how much he weighs is an obsession from day one. Every ounce, or part of a ounce gained, is a huge win, a step in the right direction on a very long journey. We waited, so very anxiously, to see his weight on his chart each morning he was in the NICU. It seemed to take forever for him to get back up to his birth weight of a whole two pounds. We had a mini-party when he reached three pounds. When he came home at 6 lbs 7 ozs, he seemed huge compared to the day  he was born, that is until I took him to the pediatrician for a weight check and initial visit a few days after he came home from the NICU. Surrounded by “normal” full-term babies, he diminished.

Weight checks have just been part of his life, his entire life. He received synagis shots October through April the first two years of his life to fight him getting RSV. That meant we were in the pediatrician’s office much more than other infants and toddlers. And he was weighed every single time. I always had anxiety on doctor-visit days, and would hold my breath until his weight came up on the scale. His growth chart didn’t look like any other I’d seen. He had his own way of doing this, his own growth curve.

When he was diagnosed with ADHD, and we began medicating him, regular weight-checks were re-introduced. Blessedly, the medication didn’t seem to affect his appetite. But then he fell off his own growth curve a few years back. Bloodwork, visits with specialists, bone-age scans, and even more frequent weight-checks ensued. We pushed calories, good calories, as best we could. I could still wrap my hand around his upper arm. I found myself back in that place, the one I’d been in while in the NICU…breath-holding every time he had to get on the scale or be measured. Failure to thrive, malnourishment (oh yeah, that one really pissed me off at the same time it nearly broke me), constitutional delay….all those words were thrown at him. Few asked what dad had weighed at the same age. And every time, I felt like a failure. I hated to see the look on his face when there were no gains, or the gain was too little, when he hadn’t grown since the last visit three months previous.

He has a weight-check appointment today.  I know he’s grown, thank God. But has he gained any weight? We’ll find out in a few hours. I’ll be holding my breath, and my heart will get that little hitch. Even knowing how much and what he eats every day, I wonder if it’s enough to make a difference, to make it so I don’t have to hear those words from the doctor, see that same number on the scale.

Send some heavy thoughts this way. And weight for it.

10 thoughts on “Weight For It

  1. Great news for your son. My good friend has a son with muscle disease and weight gain is a constant struggle in their lives. Finding calories to keep him healthy and fill him are always a big deal around there. Kind of makes worrying about some singer’s “belly” seem rather ridiculous doesn’t it?!

    • Seriously. It annoys my to no end. He spent six months refusing to wear shorts in fifth grade because some kid made fun of his skinny legs. When we ended up at the doctor’s office with a severe case of heat rash, I’d had enough!

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