I was talking with a friend the other day about where Little Man will go to high school and how it might be if he goes to the same high school his siblings attend. I have a huge hangup over putting responsibility on them to take care of him and look out for him. They’ve had five and six years of being at a different school, without him impacting their school days, who they are at school. They didn’t ask for a special needs sibling. And I just get scared of putting too much on them where he’s concerned. But my friend said, “He’s their brother. It isn’t too much, it just is.” And then we both started to cry.
They’ve had freedom for a while…freedom from being the autistic kid’s sibling while at school. How will it affect them to have him on the same campus, especially when he goes sideways (because he will), or decides to hide rather than go to class, or he starts crying in class, or runs out of class, or gets bullied? I won’t be there to buffer nor to manage him.
I don’t even know if this makes any sense, my fears and concerns. On the one hand, I would be so relieved to know he has people who know him and love him there on campus helping to keep an eye out. But on the other hand, ugh, the responsibility. They’re teenagers. They have enough on their plates without having to help him through each day at school. Would it kill their social mojo? Distract from their own priorities?
He has been around some of their friends. Most seem to take him in stride, but he can sometimes be a lot. He’s been fairly manic lately, swinging in seconds from really up, to really pissed off or sad. He’s loud. He’s intent upon talking about what he wants to talk about. He still struggles with social cues. He wants to be part of things, but he doesn’t always know how to do that, and then sometimes being part of what’s going on is overwhelming to him no matter how much he wants it. Sometimes he is just the annoying little brother, which is normal, but which is also a little bit more difficult for him to understand.
I do, since Saturday, keep going back to what my friend said, “He’s their brother. It isn’t asking too much. It just is.” Sigh….would that this were all easier, and I didn’t have to even have much less process these worries.